Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Newfoundland Cultural Secret Service

The Newfoundland Cultural Secret Service (NCSS) (See: One Doyle in the Life of Ivan Denisovich) is a secret branch of the Newfoundland Government responsible for protecting the province from threats to Newfoundland traditional and pop culture (They don't care about Labrador though).

The NCSS was founded by Pamela Morgan and Andy Jones, though the date is unknown. The NCSS gained official status when the cod moratorium began, and the province developed the tourism industry.

Currently, their duties include protecting Canadian idol participants of Newfoundland origin from stalkers and derision; investigating and interrogating those suspected of anti-Newfoundland Culture (NC) sentiments; holding dangerous anti-NC extremists in a secret network of prison camps across the island (who are forced into slave labour canning "iceberg water"); and engaging in espionage against anything the EU does on principle, but especially the anti-sealing propaganda.

Their most visible role involves protecting the Doyles from being crushed by the rush of ladies that attempt to chase Jake down a few times a day. This has forced the NCSS to be a part of a few episodes, much to their chagrin, as they prefer to remain an invisible but powerful force in Newfoundland Society.

Not the most athletic bunch, NCSS members resent Jake's hotness, and how much running he forces them to do when the ladies get into a frenzy. They can often by found at Tim Horton's talking about CSI... that is in a fishing room talking about "The Adventures of Faustus Bidgood." Whew, close one.

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