Monday, February 21, 2011

To Jake Doyle!

The Series Finale, Part 8 of 9

On Good Friday, in the year 2545, three drunk, middle-aged businessmen stumble into The Duke from Jake Doyle's traditional Irish wake, and order tall glasses of Irish Whiskey. They can be heard to say:

Drunk #1: Jake Doyle was the best damn PI in the office! Did you know Doyle was 11 feet tall, and was as hairy as a gorilla!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #2: One time Doyle went back in time to stop the Great Fire of 1892, but let the fire happen anyway, because he liked to roast marshmallows!
Drunk #3: Jake Doyle lived for over 500 years, and he was canonized by the Pope when he was 30!
Drunk #2: Best damn PI in the office!
Drunk #1: One time Jake went to medical school to save his friends from a terrible virus. He graduated med school in 15 minutes!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #3: Doyle sired 10000 children, and didn't pay child support for any of em'!
Drunk #2: Did you guys know Doyle was premier of Newfoundland from 2011 to 2075...It's true- he revived Joey Smallwood's rubber boot factory, and won the Noble Peace Prize for...somethin'!
Drunk #1: Jake Doyle won the Mr. Universe award 50 years straight after life was found on other planets!
All together: to Jake Doyle!

They carry on this way for the entire episode, interrupted several times by others who knew Jake Doyle, and several fights break out with other bar patrons over who loved Jake Doyle more.
With acknowledgements/apologies to SNL

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