Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Saga of Jake the Lucky

Jake hears rumours of a large landmass called "the old world" somewhere to the east of Newfoundland, with lands closer to the northeast. Jake decides he would like to be the first to discover these lands, and claim them for Newfoundland. Jake purchases a vessel, and enlists Mal, Des, Walter, and Tinny as his crew.

Jake spends his time on deck drinking pina coladas and "working on his abs," much to the irritation of the rest of the crew. They sail northwest and discover a giant glacier, and decide to call it IcecubeLand, least anybody get any ideas about trying to settle there. They continue sailing east and discover a smaller island, and after interacting with the natives, decide to call it Debtland, and decline to claim it for Newfoundland, as it would bankrupt the budding empire. They sail southeast for several more days, braving the elements, and Jake solves the crime of who threw his sunglasses overboard (they were all in on it).

Finally, their little vessel, Hot Cop, reaches a green landmass, and Jake claims it for the Republic of Newfoundland. Jake is shocked to discover these people look exactly like many Newfoundlanders, and in fact there are many Doyles among these people. Jake dubs the land DoyleLand, and marvels that so far from home in these exotic lands there are people just like them. Jake reasons there must be Doyles all over the world, and while filled with pride, is saddened that he is not as unique as he thought.

Jake falls into an existential depression. To make himself feel better, Jake sleeps with a number of these hot Doylelandites, and earns the nickname "Jake the Lucky." The men of the land become jealous, and banish the crew from the land. Will the intrepid explorers escape from Doyleland, and can they make it back to Newfoundland?

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