Thursday, March 1, 2012

Doyle Swan

Jake finally suffers a mental breakdown while on an important case tracking down Jimmy "Rubber boots" Squires and the Ugly Stick B'ys. While it is unclear what the charges are, they are all clearly hard cases, and up to no good. Jake is not under pressure from the chase; he's only got to pick up some hot dogs and have a bbq in Buckmaster Circle, and the b'ys'll show up with bottles of Boone's.

Jake is actually under pressure from having to be the most shapely PI in town in case a shirt removal is required while investigating. Jake's Holywood starvation diet leaves him short of energy for detecting clues or hitting on hotties. Every time a criminal mentions to Jake that he looks a bit paunchy, Jake must starve himself more, and crime goes up further.

Finally, Jake cracks during the trip to the supermarket to pick up food for the bbq, and can be seen running down the aisles raving about the processed food monsters. Jake then works out to look good for the bbq scene, leaving him weaker. Meanwhile Rubber boots and the Ugly Stick b'ys are wise to Jake's plan, and set a trap of their own.

Can Jake summon the strength to law down the law, or will he get beat with ugly sticks? Will Jake do ballet to get himself out of this jam? Will tofu burgers be the vegetarian option? The answers are tattooed on Jake's torso, so the shirt can come off.

No comments: