A few days before Christmast the members of the Doyle PI gang gather and select their Secret Santa gift recipient.
Mal and Rose rig the name draw so that they get each other but they leave the remaining draws to chance. Jake ends up with Des. Des ends up with Tinny. Tinny ends up with Walter. Walter ends up with Christian. Christian ends up with Jake. Leslie and Alison get each other.
Of course not only does everyone fret about what to buy, but Jake can't handle the surprise and decides to deduce everyone's recipient before the gifts are exchanged.
Though Jake isn't able to figure who everyone's Secret Santa is his investigation does cause some tension in the family as the challenges of gift giving are brought to everyone's attention.
Fortunately for Jake, the episode resolves itself with a touching scene in the family living room where the Secret Santas are revealed and it becomes clear that everyone really did know what to get their recipients for Christmas. They clue up the evening by standing around the living room singing Christmas carols and sending out good vibes.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sherlock Doyle: A Game of Doyles
After an unsuccessful Canada-wide search for a worthy nemesis Moriarty returns to St. John's to taunt Jake and Mal with a masterful criminal caper. Of course it takes Jake and Mal a few weeks to figure out that St. John's recent crimes are all pointing in one master criminal's direction.
Once Jake and Mal do figure out that Moriarty is back on the scene they follow a set of clues, though they are mostly impenetrable to the audience, that eventually leads them to the dam at Churchill Falls. A tussle ensues and Jake ends of going over the side of the dam.
Meanwhile Christian stayed back and Leslie, or whomever happens to be Jake's ladyfriend of the week, and deconstructed a number of Moriarty's more profitable black market ventures. Jake being Jake shows in the episode's final scene to prove that he wasn't completely bested by the ever wily Moriarty.
Once Jake and Mal do figure out that Moriarty is back on the scene they follow a set of clues, though they are mostly impenetrable to the audience, that eventually leads them to the dam at Churchill Falls. A tussle ensues and Jake ends of going over the side of the dam.
Meanwhile Christian stayed back and Leslie, or whomever happens to be Jake's ladyfriend of the week, and deconstructed a number of Moriarty's more profitable black market ventures. Jake being Jake shows in the episode's final scene to prove that he wasn't completely bested by the ever wily Moriarty.
A Doyleful of Quarters
Someone has stolen Jake's cellphone so he has to solve the case of his missing phone by using nothing but payphones and quarters.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Memorial University of Doyle
After a few years in the private detecting business Jake realizes that it's about time he started imparting his wisdom in the next generation of private detectors. Young maleable minds as might be found in a university seem as though they might be a good place to start. Jake approaches the local university about teaching a class in their criminology program. Much to Mal and Rose's surprise, the university take's Jake up on his offer.
As it turns out, Des and Tinny, as recent high school graduates, end up taking Jake's class as part of their first year electives.
The class starts quite well with the ladies appreciating Jake's beautiful eyes and the gentlemen really liking Jake's feats of derring-do.
Things start to go awry when Jake begins to suspect that one of his students has hacked into his computer and stolen his test answers and is distributing them to the class.
With Des and Tinny's help Jake constructs a sting operation and identifies the thief, though they are only able to apprehend the suspect after a long and arduous chase scene that takes them through the entire MUNnel system.
With the case solved and the criminal in custody by CEP the three PIs decide to have a celebratory drink at the Breezeway (instead of their normal haunt).
As it turns out, Des and Tinny, as recent high school graduates, end up taking Jake's class as part of their first year electives.
The class starts quite well with the ladies appreciating Jake's beautiful eyes and the gentlemen really liking Jake's feats of derring-do.
Things start to go awry when Jake begins to suspect that one of his students has hacked into his computer and stolen his test answers and is distributing them to the class.
With Des and Tinny's help Jake constructs a sting operation and identifies the thief, though they are only able to apprehend the suspect after a long and arduous chase scene that takes them through the entire MUNnel system.
With the case solved and the criminal in custody by CEP the three PIs decide to have a celebratory drink at the Breezeway (instead of their normal haunt).
Thursday, October 27, 2011
DoyleCrafters
Jake, in an attempt to raise money quickly and get Tinny and Des out of the office, opens a store front location in the Mall. The signage soon on display promises that cases, some exceptions to apply, will be solved in an hour.
It soon becomes apparent that Tinny and Des don't have the chops to speed solve drop-in cases. Fortunately, this hardly matters as within a day or two most potential customers have already left the storefront office dissatisfied.
It doesn't take long for Tinny and Des to realize that the whole set up was really just a ploy by Jake and Mal to get them out of the office for a few days. Soon they realize that the nature of this ploy is really what they need to be investigating, not the cases from non-existant walk-in customers.
As Tinny and Des get closer to understanding the reason for Jake and Mal's mysterious behaviour Jake shuts down the Mall operation and brings everyone back to the main office. All of a sudden Tinny and Des lose the motivation to bring the case to a proper conclusion and thing stay unresolved, or do they...
It soon becomes apparent that Tinny and Des don't have the chops to speed solve drop-in cases. Fortunately, this hardly matters as within a day or two most potential customers have already left the storefront office dissatisfied.
It doesn't take long for Tinny and Des to realize that the whole set up was really just a ploy by Jake and Mal to get them out of the office for a few days. Soon they realize that the nature of this ploy is really what they need to be investigating, not the cases from non-existant walk-in customers.
As Tinny and Des get closer to understanding the reason for Jake and Mal's mysterious behaviour Jake shuts down the Mall operation and brings everyone back to the main office. All of a sudden Tinny and Des lose the motivation to bring the case to a proper conclusion and thing stay unresolved, or do they...
Sunday, July 24, 2011
God rest ye merry Doyles
In this bottle episode the Doyles, with Des present, wake up on Christmas day to find that someone has already opened all of the presents and eaten all of the chocolate oranges. After a quick examination of the house they soon learn that a flash storm has trapped them in the house and that the conditions have likely been like this for some number of hours. For the duration of the storm no one has been or will be able to enter or exit the house.
It doesn't take much time for several competing investigations to get underway. Mal and Rose follow up on a few leads while Tinny and Des also try to get to the bottom of things. Christian and Jake are thus left to work together if they don't want these heinous Christmas crimes pinned on them.
Though only six people were present there are many of leads and plenty of suspects. Will the Doyles, still without their annual feed of turkey, be able to get to the bottom of this case before the storm breaks and the confinement ends?
It doesn't take much time for several competing investigations to get underway. Mal and Rose follow up on a few leads while Tinny and Des also try to get to the bottom of things. Christian and Jake are thus left to work together if they don't want these heinous Christmas crimes pinned on them.
Though only six people were present there are many of leads and plenty of suspects. Will the Doyles, still without their annual feed of turkey, be able to get to the bottom of this case before the storm breaks and the confinement ends?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Doyle for Brains
After Jake crashes yet another sweet GTO and gets hauled in to the cop shop for questioning. The local cops and reporters, consequently, start using the phrase "Doyle for brains" whenever someone does something a little dense a la Jake Doyle.
Of course that Jake is at the heart of this embarrassing flare-up doesn't do anything for his reputation with his family members whose name is now being dragged through the mud. In an attempt to make amends with Mal, Rose, and Tinny Jake decides to find out who first started using the term and then to stomp out all subsequent uses.
Jake's blundering investigation just leads to more arrests and even more frequent use of the term. By the time Jake eventually gives up his quest to stomp out the term it is frequently used on Nightline and basically every other call-in show in the province every time someone wants to criticize the government of the day.
Of course that Jake is at the heart of this embarrassing flare-up doesn't do anything for his reputation with his family members whose name is now being dragged through the mud. In an attempt to make amends with Mal, Rose, and Tinny Jake decides to find out who first started using the term and then to stomp out all subsequent uses.
Jake's blundering investigation just leads to more arrests and even more frequent use of the term. By the time Jake eventually gives up his quest to stomp out the term it is frequently used on Nightline and basically every other call-in show in the province every time someone wants to criticize the government of the day.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
On the Doyle
Jake and Walter hop in Jake's classy blue GTO and head for the open road. As they make their way back and forth across the island they meet interesting people and learn more about themselves than they ever hoped to know. In each town they visit they also solve small mysteries that ingratiate them with the locals.
When they eventually arrive back St. John's Jake and Walter should be more enlightened people, but instead they decide to shelve the whole enlightenment thing and go for a few pints at the Duke.
When they eventually arrive back St. John's Jake and Walter should be more enlightened people, but instead they decide to shelve the whole enlightenment thing and go for a few pints at the Duke.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Doyle At Any Speed
While Jake is on an ill-advised booty call someone nicks his sweet GTO. Because Mal had warned him about rendezvouses with this particular lady Jake is disinclined to mention the problem to his father or the police and convinces Des and Tinny to help him find the car while they pretend to work on another case. The duplicitousness of their dealings leads them into many humorous situations as they try keep Mal and Rose in the dark.
Not surprisingly, the episode ends with fantastic parkway-based chase scene that leads to the destruction of the GTO but the capture of the perp. In true to life moment, one of the RNC cars chasing the GTO ends up in Rennies Mill River.
Of course instead of giving up booty calls with questionable women Jake just uses the less-desirable-to-thieve surveillance van instead of his newly refurbished GTO.
Not surprisingly, the episode ends with fantastic parkway-based chase scene that leads to the destruction of the GTO but the capture of the perp. In true to life moment, one of the RNC cars chasing the GTO ends up in Rennies Mill River.
Of course instead of giving up booty calls with questionable women Jake just uses the less-desirable-to-thieve surveillance van instead of his newly refurbished GTO.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Got To Get Me Doyle, B'y
Jake Doyle goes undercover as player on AHL team to stop Premier from moving team to mainland.
Submitted via Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Submitted via Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Doyle to America
After years of unsuccessful mating attempts Mal sends Jake to the wilds of Queens (New York) to find himself a suitable bride/lady PI partner. Since Mal doesn't trust Jake to actually find a suitable partner he sends Walter along to supervise the hunt.
As soon as Walter and Jake step out of the subway station and onto the mean streets of Queens they realize that they are a long way from the Goulds and the Mount Pearl curls of their youth. Of course Jake being Jake, they soon spot a potential quarry. While tracking the potential bride they are reported as stalkers and arrested by the NYPD hottest cop, Elaine Murphy.
Jake and Walter, in a half-hearted attempt to retain some self-respect, do not reveal their true identities or the nature of their mission to the arresting officer. Instead, they hope to take Queens (and, as it turns out, the heart of the arresting officer) on their own terms.
Much to everyone's surprise, particularly the father of the NYPD's hottest cop, Elaine and Jake soon strike up a relationship (all the while Elaine doesn't know that Jake is actually a PI on a mission).
Walter soon tires of the grind of being an underpaid illegal immigrant in New York and convinces Jake return to St. John's with Elaine in tow.
Almost immediately after she arrives Elaine realizes that not only does she not really understand what people in Newfoundland are saying, but that Jake is actually a lowly PI. Upset at being so effectively deceived Elaine immediately hops on a return flight to New York and leaves Jake for good.
Fortunately for Jake Leslie is still hanging around and quite willing to allow herself be seduced on a somewhat regular basis.
As soon as Walter and Jake step out of the subway station and onto the mean streets of Queens they realize that they are a long way from the Goulds and the Mount Pearl curls of their youth. Of course Jake being Jake, they soon spot a potential quarry. While tracking the potential bride they are reported as stalkers and arrested by the NYPD hottest cop, Elaine Murphy.
Jake and Walter, in a half-hearted attempt to retain some self-respect, do not reveal their true identities or the nature of their mission to the arresting officer. Instead, they hope to take Queens (and, as it turns out, the heart of the arresting officer) on their own terms.
Much to everyone's surprise, particularly the father of the NYPD's hottest cop, Elaine and Jake soon strike up a relationship (all the while Elaine doesn't know that Jake is actually a PI on a mission).
Walter soon tires of the grind of being an underpaid illegal immigrant in New York and convinces Jake return to St. John's with Elaine in tow.
Almost immediately after she arrives Elaine realizes that not only does she not really understand what people in Newfoundland are saying, but that Jake is actually a lowly PI. Upset at being so effectively deceived Elaine immediately hops on a return flight to New York and leaves Jake for good.
Fortunately for Jake Leslie is still hanging around and quite willing to allow herself be seduced on a somewhat regular basis.
Lure of the Labradoyle Wild
While helping Tinny on a school essay on the classic novel, Lure of the Labrador Wild, Jake and Malachy become inspired to recreate the treacherous journey.
Of course, never having actually read the book, Jake decides at the start of the journey that the food and hunting equipment is far to heavy to carry across Labrador's interior and chooses to leave it all behind about a half hour into their trek. After days of wandering around in circles without a map and eating nothing but pea meal and hardtack, the Doyle men are forced to stew their boots in a struggle against starvation. This inevitably leads to severe frostbite - something that Jake would have known about had he hired a local guide to accompany them on their journey.
Just as Jake and Malachy are ready to take their last breath, Leslie spots the two from a Search and Rescue helicopter. While Jake ends up losing his legs to gangrene from the knees down, he is still able to show Leslie that his "manhood" is very much intact.
Of course, never having actually read the book, Jake decides at the start of the journey that the food and hunting equipment is far to heavy to carry across Labrador's interior and chooses to leave it all behind about a half hour into their trek. After days of wandering around in circles without a map and eating nothing but pea meal and hardtack, the Doyle men are forced to stew their boots in a struggle against starvation. This inevitably leads to severe frostbite - something that Jake would have known about had he hired a local guide to accompany them on their journey.
Just as Jake and Malachy are ready to take their last breath, Leslie spots the two from a Search and Rescue helicopter. While Jake ends up losing his legs to gangrene from the knees down, he is still able to show Leslie that his "manhood" is very much intact.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Hudson's Bay Doyle
After a middle of the night break-in at the Salmonier Nature Park Jake and Mal are hired to find the park's missing beaver, hopefully before the animal is killed for its pelt. A pair of well-endowed game wardenesses accompany Jake across the province as he tracks the kidnappers so that they can take custody of beaver as soon as it is found. As it happens, on a few of the nights it is pretty cold so Jake and the wardenesses have to find a way or two to stay warm. In the end everyone forgets about the missing beaver and just goes home.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Jesus H. Doyle
Jake awakes in a drunken stupor on a Sunday after a vicious Friday night trip to George Street. With only his cell phone logs and credit card receipts to aide him, Jake has to retrace his steps to find out whether or not he met any attractive women on his journey towards inebriation.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Word usage a few months in
In case you were wondering what the top hundred words we used in our pitches are, here is a graphic that puts this information in a visualized form.
If you add the data a slightly different way, and include the titles of the pitches, you get the following output.
The second image seems a little bit more accurate.
If you add the data a slightly different way, and include the titles of the pitches, you get the following output.
The second image seems a little bit more accurate.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Canadian Extreme Doyle Party
In light of the recently called election and as an hommage to the late, great Sailor White Jake decides to start the Canadian Extreme Doyle party and to hold a Doyle-off to decide the party's candidate for the party.
Not surprisingly, Jake is the first Doyle to agree to participate in the Doyle-off. Sadly, no additional Doyle's come forward to participate in the Doyle-off. Eventually Jake is able to convince Walter that he is an 'honourary Doyle' and that he too is eligible participate in the Doyle-off.
As Walter was only ever a half-hearted participant he manages to put in a relatively mediocre performance and lose the nomination battle/Doyle-off to Jake.
Not surprisingly, Jake is the first Doyle to agree to participate in the Doyle-off. Sadly, no additional Doyle's come forward to participate in the Doyle-off. Eventually Jake is able to convince Walter that he is an 'honourary Doyle' and that he too is eligible participate in the Doyle-off.
As Walter was only ever a half-hearted participant he manages to put in a relatively mediocre performance and lose the nomination battle/Doyle-off to Jake.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Employment Doyle
Jake and Mal just really want a job, any job, so that they won't need to get everyone to go on the pogey until things pick up. Will their efforts be successful? Will a crime spree hit St. John's before they before file for government assistance? Will Jake be as attractive to the ladies if he doesn't have a way of earning money?
Book Doyle
After a number of dealings with the mayor's office and various components of the justice system Jake decides that it is probably about time that he heads to the library to really figure out how a number of these things work. And, as luck would have it, Jake happens into Cecil Noseworthy as he enters the library.
With Cecil's help Jake is able to learn all kinds of things about the way that government works in Newfoundland. For instance, it seems, much to Jake's surprise, that the Mayor isn't actually in charge of the RNC and doesn't have the ability to single-handedly appoint law enforcement task forces. Even more surprising to Jake is the fact that provincial court judges aren't actually appointed to head secret inquiries into allegations of corruption at City Hall.
On his way out of the library Jake spots a poster outlining some hacking basics. It doesn't take long for Jake to realize that what Rose has been claiming as hacking skills aren't really hacking skills at all - they are just psychic powers of intuition that help further a case. Jake starts to wonder why Rose has been hiding this ability all along.
No crimes, but plenty of mysteries, are solved in this episode.
With Cecil's help Jake is able to learn all kinds of things about the way that government works in Newfoundland. For instance, it seems, much to Jake's surprise, that the Mayor isn't actually in charge of the RNC and doesn't have the ability to single-handedly appoint law enforcement task forces. Even more surprising to Jake is the fact that provincial court judges aren't actually appointed to head secret inquiries into allegations of corruption at City Hall.
On his way out of the library Jake spots a poster outlining some hacking basics. It doesn't take long for Jake to realize that what Rose has been claiming as hacking skills aren't really hacking skills at all - they are just psychic powers of intuition that help further a case. Jake starts to wonder why Rose has been hiding this ability all along.
No crimes, but plenty of mysteries, are solved in this episode.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Casino Doyle
Jake and Mal hired by the ALC to investigate rumours of an underground casino. The only problem is that Jake and Mal can't figure out which underground casino they are to investigate as there are several in the downtown area. In the end Jake loses his fees by betting on black at the roulette table and is too ashamed to report back to the ALC with his findings.
Prince Edward Doyle
After becoming dissatisfied with the limited crime rate and third rate criminals in St. John's Jake and Mal decide to move their operation to the only more low-key provincial capital in the country: Charlottetown.
Not surprisingly, much of the episode is spent following Jake around as he tries to "drum up business." As expected, Jake spends most of his time talking to young women and trying to get their phone numbers.
After several weeks of waiting a client finally comes to the Doyles with a case. Someone, the client alleges, is using unlicensed versions of the Anne of Green Gables image. The client hopes that the Doyles will be able to obtain proof that the unlicensed suspect is in fact trading on the island's most famous fictional resident's image.
Sickened with the prospect of a career in policing the Anne of Green Gables image the Doyles decide to head back to St. John's, even if the low crime rate means that they will be on EI for the better part of the year.
Not surprisingly, much of the episode is spent following Jake around as he tries to "drum up business." As expected, Jake spends most of his time talking to young women and trying to get their phone numbers.
After several weeks of waiting a client finally comes to the Doyles with a case. Someone, the client alleges, is using unlicensed versions of the Anne of Green Gables image. The client hopes that the Doyles will be able to obtain proof that the unlicensed suspect is in fact trading on the island's most famous fictional resident's image.
Sickened with the prospect of a career in policing the Anne of Green Gables image the Doyles decide to head back to St. John's, even if the low crime rate means that they will be on EI for the better part of the year.
Double, Double Doyle and Trouble
Halloween episode - Jake investigates a local witches' coven, suspected of murdering tv evangelist.
Contributed via Twitter by RalfieO
Contributed via Twitter by RalfieO
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Doyle Dozen
Malacky is wrongfully convicted of sellin' oxys and goes to the pen for a 2 year stretch. Jake, unable to see his father mistreated, enlists Rose, Des, Tinny, Walter, and Leslie and their clones to break into her majesty's pen, bust Malacky out, and hide him on Ramea until things blow over.
On the night of the escape attempt, they sneak into the cemetery next to the pen, and partially bury themselves. As the sky lightens, they all climb out of the ground, and Jake's dirty and seemingly dead dozen do a zombie march towards the gate. The terrified guards make a run for the lake, leaving the satisfied group to play a prank on the prisoners before releasing Malacky from his cell.
In order to drum up some business for the coming year, Jake also lets out 15% of the prison population, as long as they promise to go back to a life of crime. Jake admits that this move is a pretty "dirty" trick, and they all laugh heartily.
The next morning, the group discovers that Mal really does sell oxys, and Leslie has been fired from her position as a hot cop for her part in the caper. Jake observes that they didn't make a "clean" getaway after all, drawing fewer laughs, except from the clones, who are really sort of brain dead.
On the night of the escape attempt, they sneak into the cemetery next to the pen, and partially bury themselves. As the sky lightens, they all climb out of the ground, and Jake's dirty and seemingly dead dozen do a zombie march towards the gate. The terrified guards make a run for the lake, leaving the satisfied group to play a prank on the prisoners before releasing Malacky from his cell.
In order to drum up some business for the coming year, Jake also lets out 15% of the prison population, as long as they promise to go back to a life of crime. Jake admits that this move is a pretty "dirty" trick, and they all laugh heartily.
The next morning, the group discovers that Mal really does sell oxys, and Leslie has been fired from her position as a hot cop for her part in the caper. Jake observes that they didn't make a "clean" getaway after all, drawing fewer laughs, except from the clones, who are really sort of brain dead.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Cirque Doyle Soleil
Jake takes up juggling as a hobby to hone his skills juggling all his ladies, hot dates, and one night stands. Jake's idiot savant like talent for juggling soon finds him juggling lit fireworks, plates of fish and chips, and Tinny's pot plants.
Ironically, Jake's love life suffers, as his obsession with juggling intensifies. Seeking to work the ladies back into his life, Jake tries to juggle a semi-hot teacher, a hot dental hygienist, and a librarian-hot librarian, but the stunt ends only in a separated lady shoulder and a few broken lady fingers.
Despite being unable to juggle actual ladies, Jake decides to start his own circus:
"The Greatest Doyle on Earth!"
Jake's first show involves a daring tightrope walk across the narrows of St. John's harbour while juggling scratch tickets. Will Jake make it to the other side? Will he ever go back to being a PI? How long will Rose put up with being the bearded lady before smacking the face off Jake?
The show really produces more questions than answers...
Ironically, Jake's love life suffers, as his obsession with juggling intensifies. Seeking to work the ladies back into his life, Jake tries to juggle a semi-hot teacher, a hot dental hygienist, and a librarian-hot librarian, but the stunt ends only in a separated lady shoulder and a few broken lady fingers.
Despite being unable to juggle actual ladies, Jake decides to start his own circus:
Jake's first show involves a daring tightrope walk across the narrows of St. John's harbour while juggling scratch tickets. Will Jake make it to the other side? Will he ever go back to being a PI? How long will Rose put up with being the bearded lady before smacking the face off Jake?
The show really produces more questions than answers...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Doyle it to the Ground
Jake goes to a Conference in Montreal for "crime fighters." Jake becomes embarrassed when mainlanders make fun of his accent, and spends the rest of the episode speaking in a newscaster's dialect. Executives of the new "Fox news North" overhear Jake's perfect english, and hire him to be their lead anchor.
Jake's first broadcast starts out smoothly, but as he realizes that the news is all made up, he gets nervous and the Newfoundland accent starts coming out. As Jake uses more Newfoundland English, the Fox people get very upset, and Bill O'Reilly interrupts the broadcast to tear into Jake, who head butts O'Reilly and takes off.
The regular Fox News in the States begins reporting that the US invasion of Newfoundland is imminent, and Paul McCartney is interviewed to show the world the inhumanity of Newfoundlanders.
Jake heads back home hoping his new media connections will get him a date with Lynn Burry.
Meanwhile, polls show that while nobody knows what Newfoundland did to who, or where it is, it should be attacked immediately. American military forces begin to embark on "Operation Doyle it to the Ground." Will America attack Newfoundland? Will Jake go down hot newscaster road? Will the O'Reilly/Doyle video go viral?
Watch next week, and maybe we'll get back to it (we also have an episode where Tinny throws up on Des, so we might go with that instead).
Jake's first broadcast starts out smoothly, but as he realizes that the news is all made up, he gets nervous and the Newfoundland accent starts coming out. As Jake uses more Newfoundland English, the Fox people get very upset, and Bill O'Reilly interrupts the broadcast to tear into Jake, who head butts O'Reilly and takes off.
The regular Fox News in the States begins reporting that the US invasion of Newfoundland is imminent, and Paul McCartney is interviewed to show the world the inhumanity of Newfoundlanders.
Jake heads back home hoping his new media connections will get him a date with Lynn Burry.
Meanwhile, polls show that while nobody knows what Newfoundland did to who, or where it is, it should be attacked immediately. American military forces begin to embark on "Operation Doyle it to the Ground." Will America attack Newfoundland? Will Jake go down hot newscaster road? Will the O'Reilly/Doyle video go viral?
Watch next week, and maybe we'll get back to it (we also have an episode where Tinny throws up on Des, so we might go with that instead).
Doyle M for Murder (II)
Jake goes undercover to investigate a murder at a local call centre.
Submitted via Twitter by @RalfieO
Submitted via Twitter by @RalfieO
Doyle on the Ice, Part II: Epic Doyle Time
Jake escapes the terrifying seal skinning machine by simply getting off the conveyor belt, and showing some ID to the plant manager to prove he isn't a seal.
Everybody is happy to have Jake back, except for Des who was enjoying a moment in the spotlight. Everybody wants Jake to solve the case, but after his ordeal, Jake is starved and half-frozen.
Jake purchases a mancho to warm up, makes and eats an entire turkey dinner, drinks a 26er of rum, and goes to sleep for 5 weeks.
In Jake's absence, Des solves the case of the activists, meets Margo Huntington-Smith, and goes down hot activist road. Tinny spies on the affair, and feels a tinge of something, and realizes it must be indigestion from the turkey. Will Tinny realize her feelings for Des? Will Jake ever wake up?
Everybody is happy to have Jake back, except for Des who was enjoying a moment in the spotlight. Everybody wants Jake to solve the case, but after his ordeal, Jake is starved and half-frozen.
Jake purchases a mancho to warm up, makes and eats an entire turkey dinner, drinks a 26er of rum, and goes to sleep for 5 weeks.
In Jake's absence, Des solves the case of the activists, meets Margo Huntington-Smith, and goes down hot activist road. Tinny spies on the affair, and feels a tinge of something, and realizes it must be indigestion from the turkey. Will Tinny realize her feelings for Des? Will Jake ever wake up?
Doyle on the Ice, Part 1
The Doyles investigate cases of harassment by activists during the annual seal hunt. Jake goes out on the ice to track down the activists, but the weather shifts, and Jake becomes stranded on an ice pan.
With few rations and little winter clothing, Jake wonders how he will meet any ladies on an ice pan. He chats up a few seals, but is generally rebuffed. Finally Jake's pan crosses paths with a pan holding another lost soul, sexy activist Margo Huntington-Smith, who sweet talks jake before knocking him out and stealing his leather jacket. Jake wakes up not remembering much, and wondering if he "scored."
Jake, realizing he is in real trouble, kills a large seal, and climbs inside the carcass to keep warm, where he falls asleep. When Jake wakes up, he is on a conveyor belt moving towards the terrifying seal skinning machine.
Is this the end of Doyle the PI and the start of Doyle the old lady's seal coat?
With few rations and little winter clothing, Jake wonders how he will meet any ladies on an ice pan. He chats up a few seals, but is generally rebuffed. Finally Jake's pan crosses paths with a pan holding another lost soul, sexy activist Margo Huntington-Smith, who sweet talks jake before knocking him out and stealing his leather jacket. Jake wakes up not remembering much, and wondering if he "scored."
Jake, realizing he is in real trouble, kills a large seal, and climbs inside the carcass to keep warm, where he falls asleep. When Jake wakes up, he is on a conveyor belt moving towards the terrifying seal skinning machine.
Is this the end of Doyle the PI and the start of Doyle the old lady's seal coat?
That's so Doyle
Des comes to the conclusion his work life needs to be a little more catch phrase based. To remedy this problem decides to create a catch phrase, "That's so Doyle," that he can say whenever anything amazing happens at work. Unfortunately, Des's use of this phrase, and the consequent chastising that comes from Jake, creates a slow-down of work in the office. The slow-down is so bad that the Doyles decide to forgo a case for a week and just work on getting Des to stop saying "That's so Doyle" every few minutes.
Their week of work is met with mixed results. Des no longer says "That's so Doyle," but he has started loudly proclaiming "Doyles to the rescue!" immediately after the Doyles accept new cases.
Their week of work is met with mixed results. Des no longer says "That's so Doyle," but he has started loudly proclaiming "Doyles to the rescue!" immediately after the Doyles accept new cases.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Doyle Hortons
After years of disappointing and mediocre coffee, Jake searches St. John's high and low for a good cup of coffee. Even after bringing in Mal, Rose, and Des to help Jake's search remains unsuccessful.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Shipping Doyles
Jake realizes that given his strong investigative skills he could probably make a pretty good reporter. Of course, because Jake has no real reporting experience he is forced to start his new career at a small paper around the bay (which turns out to be Mal's hometown). While getting acquainted with the locals Jake encounters quite a number of strange characters, including an old woman who turns out to be Jake's heretofore unknown aunt. Jake also meets a hot young mother who seems to have a thing for him.
After a few months of general reporting/detecting Jake decides that things are just a little too weird for him around the bay (and that he isn't making enough money) and that he should probably just head home and put this debacle behind him, even it means forgetting about his mysterious aunt and the hot young mother. Leslie, the hot crown prosecutor, and particularly Mal are all glad to see Jake return to St. John's.
After a few months of general reporting/detecting Jake decides that things are just a little too weird for him around the bay (and that he isn't making enough money) and that he should probably just head home and put this debacle behind him, even it means forgetting about his mysterious aunt and the hot young mother. Leslie, the hot crown prosecutor, and particularly Mal are all glad to see Jake return to St. John's.
Slaughterhouse Doyle
When the private investigating business starts to dry up in St. John's, Jake decides that it's time for him to lock down some financial security. He starts wooing some of the richest single women in the city before settling down on the wealthy heiress to the Purity empire. Unfortunately she's got the body of Kathy Bates and a face like Gary Busey. Jake manages to get away with infidelity by claiming he has cases to solve while he sneaks off for a drive down Hot Cop Road. Other nights, he lies in bed and thinks about the time he fought Nazis in Dresden.
So it goes.
So it goes.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Doyle, Texas Ranger
Due to Chuck Norris's untimely reaching of the mandatory retirement age, the Texas Rangers have decided to hold international auditions to replace their prized (crime) fighting machine. Upon hearing the news Jake decides that a trip to Texas is in order (getting the job would mean a better job and a better network).
Almost as soon as Jake gets to the audition he realizes that many of the Texas Ranger wannabes are serious guys with serious fighting skills. Fortunately, Jake's snappy one-liners are of unexpected value because the Texas Ranger higher ups (i.e. producers) have decided to take things in a slightly wittier, less fighty/kicky, direction.
After the completion of the auditions and the announcement that Jake is be the new Texas Ranger Norris walked away from the set and could be heard muttering "Chuck Norris invented Jake Doyle and his father Malachy." Norris followed this up with the slightly more melancholic "Chuck Norris invented drinking to help old guys forget how old and useless they really are."
Almost as soon as Jake gets to the audition he realizes that many of the Texas Ranger wannabes are serious guys with serious fighting skills. Fortunately, Jake's snappy one-liners are of unexpected value because the Texas Ranger higher ups (i.e. producers) have decided to take things in a slightly wittier, less fighty/kicky, direction.
After the completion of the auditions and the announcement that Jake is be the new Texas Ranger Norris walked away from the set and could be heard muttering "Chuck Norris invented Jake Doyle and his father Malachy." Norris followed this up with the slightly more melancholic "Chuck Norris invented drinking to help old guys forget how old and useless they really are."
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Doyle to the wire
The Backstreet Doyles pitch was victorious in our most recent poll. The other four pitches seemed to have pretty even support.
As with past polls winners, Backstreet Doyles has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
As with past polls winners, Backstreet Doyles has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
The Adventures of Doyle, Queen of the Desert
While on a safari Jake has to go undercover as a drag queen to figure out who is sabotaging his tour group's visits to animal habitats by killing all of the animals. In this exciting episode filled with heroism, extra-large bottles of mascara, and knee-high stockings Jake somes to appreciate his Mount Pearl Curl in a way that the style hadn't been appreciated since the days of the Sprung Greenhouse. Oh, and it turns out that Jake develops something of a taste for tiger steaks.
The Handmaid's Doyle
Jake, after a particularly fortuitous night at the Duke, 'befriends' a maid at a fancy hotel. Not long after meeting Jake, Trisha, the maid, knowing his line of business comes to Jake with a set of unproven suspicions about guests from a particular company. Jake and Trisha soon realize that the only way that Jake will really be able to properly investigate the case is to have Jake take a job on the housekeeping crew.
Not surprisingly, the case turns out to be bigger than expected and Trisha turns out to be something other than she appeared to be. When all is said and done the Doyles figure out that the housekeepers were providing prostitution services and being 'managed' by a company that would book rooms throughout the hotel for them to 'use.' The housekeepers, in an attempt to break free of their 'management company,' were trying to get Jake to uncover some of the company's illegal actions and then have them reported to the police so that they would be free to work for themselves. Of course, once Jake realizes that Trisha will never really love him he decides to blow everything wide open, an act that had the side-benefit of further ingratiating himself to both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor.
Not surprisingly, the case turns out to be bigger than expected and Trisha turns out to be something other than she appeared to be. When all is said and done the Doyles figure out that the housekeepers were providing prostitution services and being 'managed' by a company that would book rooms throughout the hotel for them to 'use.' The housekeepers, in an attempt to break free of their 'management company,' were trying to get Jake to uncover some of the company's illegal actions and then have them reported to the police so that they would be free to work for themselves. Of course, once Jake realizes that Trisha will never really love him he decides to blow everything wide open, an act that had the side-benefit of further ingratiating himself to both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Run on Doyle
Shortly after receiving a tip about the location of reward-bearing suspect Jake and Mal jump into Jake's mint blue GTO and head for Blackhead, the supposed location of the wanted criminal, though before they are able to head out they run into Des and Tinny and encourage them to some background checks on the perp in question, a task assignment that allows them to head out, hopefully uninterrupted, for a few hours while they try to apprehend the wanted to-be convicted felon, though, of course, before they are able to capture the accused law breaker they have to engage in a high-speed car chase through Blackhead and Shea Heights.
IT Doyle
For the first time in years the Doyles have a computer heavy case. At first Mal and Jake are at a loss, they have no idea how to procede. Fortunately Mal remembers Rose suggesting that she knew how to use a computer. After passing everything off to Rose and telling her to "wrap it up by 5:00" the boys head down stairs for a few pints and an early lunch.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Manchurian Doyle
In order to win back Leslie after the evidence room debacle, Jake decides that Leslie is attracted to men with power, and that he should run for mayor of St. John's.
In order to increase his visibility, Jake insists that from now on the media must refer to the cases he works as "Doyle Cases," and any general police work as "Doyleology." Unfortunately, Jake has a string of cases that he can't seem to solve, and since his name is always attached with these failures, his popularity plummets. Since Jake lacks the votes needed, he asks if he can be "minority mayor of St. John's," forcing council to explain that, "we don't really do that..."
Jake realizes that maybe the best public service he can perform is to be there for the ladies... and solve crimes. Working on these strengths, Jake fights his way back into contention. While Leslie seems non-committal, the hot prosecutor likes the idea of Jake being mayor, leading to renewed jealousy between the two. Is Jake about to become mayor, and will he rename all streets "hot cop road" or "hot prosecutor road?"
At the last moment, Jake is disqualified, because he is not originally from St. John's. His name is moved over to the only other ballot he is eligible for, and he becomes mayor of his birthplace, Doyle Island. Upon hearing the news, Jake....
To be continued...
In order to increase his visibility, Jake insists that from now on the media must refer to the cases he works as "Doyle Cases," and any general police work as "Doyleology." Unfortunately, Jake has a string of cases that he can't seem to solve, and since his name is always attached with these failures, his popularity plummets. Since Jake lacks the votes needed, he asks if he can be "minority mayor of St. John's," forcing council to explain that, "we don't really do that..."
Jake realizes that maybe the best public service he can perform is to be there for the ladies... and solve crimes. Working on these strengths, Jake fights his way back into contention. While Leslie seems non-committal, the hot prosecutor likes the idea of Jake being mayor, leading to renewed jealousy between the two. Is Jake about to become mayor, and will he rename all streets "hot cop road" or "hot prosecutor road?"
At the last moment, Jake is disqualified, because he is not originally from St. John's. His name is moved over to the only other ballot he is eligible for, and he becomes mayor of his birthplace, Doyle Island. Upon hearing the news, Jake....
To be continued...
Cider House Doyles
It turns out that the Doyle's private detecting business was just a front and a distraction from their real activities. All along the Doyles have really been running a illegal abortion clinic (which explains why Jake went to medical school a few episodes ago).
Doyle in Charge
Rose and Mal go on a belated honeymoon leaving Jake in charge of the private detecting business, making sure Christian doesn't relapse, and the management/care of Tinny and Des. To manage these responsibilities to their fullest Jake decides to move back into the Doyle family home for the period of Mal and Rose's absence. In a somewhat creepy move, Jake decides that he will use Mal and Rose's room as his own during his stay.
Almost immediately Jake faces power struggles as Tinny and Des push challenge the newly imposed chain of command. Jake is able to win their loyalty by giving them important roles in the firms current case, an investigation into the proper treatment of teen drug addicts at the children's hospital. Sadly, this drug connection bring Christian into contact with addiction and drug culture and forces a relapse.
Jake's life just keeps getting more complicated. Before Mal and Rose's return he somehow has to solve the mystery and figure out why things are going well for the teens in question and find a way to break Christian of his addiction and remove traces of his relapse. Talk about a less than relaxing week at the top.
When Mal and Rose finally make it back Jake is pleased to relinquish his claim to the top spot in the Doyle hierarchy.
Almost immediately Jake faces power struggles as Tinny and Des push challenge the newly imposed chain of command. Jake is able to win their loyalty by giving them important roles in the firms current case, an investigation into the proper treatment of teen drug addicts at the children's hospital. Sadly, this drug connection bring Christian into contact with addiction and drug culture and forces a relapse.
Jake's life just keeps getting more complicated. Before Mal and Rose's return he somehow has to solve the mystery and figure out why things are going well for the teens in question and find a way to break Christian of his addiction and remove traces of his relapse. Talk about a less than relaxing week at the top.
When Mal and Rose finally make it back Jake is pleased to relinquish his claim to the top spot in the Doyle hierarchy.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Planes, Trains, and Doyles
The Doyles, hired to track down a missing suspect awaiting trial, are forced to make use of a number of means of transportion to track down their quarry. After using cars, float planes, snowmobiles, bikes, and horse-drawn carriages, the episode reaches its climax with the Doyles and the escapee fighting while riding the Trinity Loop train.
Terminator 2: Judgement Doyle
Des has now been employed by the Doyles for about two years and is up for one final review before being made a permanent member of the staff. Mal has assigned Jake to trail Des during his first completely independent assignment. The case Des is assigned first appears to be a relatively straightforward adultery surveillance job but then morphs into a full-blown human-trafficking ring with ties to key political figures. Given unexpected complexity of the case the Doyles jump in and defer Des's final review until they can find a case more befitting his stature and level of experience.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Doyle Hood
Leslie calls Jake and asks for his help on a case. Jake is with the hot prosecutor, but drops her to go flirt with Leslie. Jake and Leslie get caught up in a moment of passion, and Jake finds himself on hot cop road in the RNC evidence room.
Leslie leaves first to avoid suspicion from her colleagues, and Jake is alone with a ton of drugs, money, and guns. Jake decides that this stuff could really help the needy of St. John's, and sneaks out with a carload of evidence.
Jake heads over to the Salvation Army, where he hands out oxy to those without, revolvers to the hungry, and money to the rich businessmen volunteering there who don't really need it all. Jake heads back to meet Leslie proud of his humanitarian work. The RNC is abuzz over the evidence room theft, drug-related crimes are spiking across the city, and everyone is looking for Jake.
Jake grows a mullet to hide his identity, and meets Pinsent's strongman, ex-con Alan Doyle, who, despite his efforts to act like an ex-con, can't break out of his Robin Hood character Alan-a-Dayle.
Jake and Alan go into hiding in the woods, and Jake tries to help Alan regain his identity as frontman of Great Big Sea, but a-Dayle is not impressed with he "Oh yeah!" theme song.
Russell Crowe is angry that Jake has been impersonating him by taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Crowe and the RNC find Jake and Allan in the woods. The chase ends with an epic battle on Middle Cove beach between Jake and Allan and the needy of St. John's (there to protect their hero Jake), and Russell Crowe, the RNC, and the jilted hot prosecutor, with Leslie caught in the middle. Ridley Scott shows up with a video camera, so he can post the video on youtube.
Will Jake survive Crowe's wrath? Will Jake get another chance with Leslie or the hot prosecutor? There's no telling, as the show's producers didn't intend for the involvement of Crowe or Scott, or the battle on the beach, and are terrified of the cost overruns. The show's only hope now is that Scott's video takes home the Oscar for the category of "best youtube video of a TV drama impersonating a feature length film" and that Allan Hawco take home the oscar for "best abs."
Leslie leaves first to avoid suspicion from her colleagues, and Jake is alone with a ton of drugs, money, and guns. Jake decides that this stuff could really help the needy of St. John's, and sneaks out with a carload of evidence.
Jake heads over to the Salvation Army, where he hands out oxy to those without, revolvers to the hungry, and money to the rich businessmen volunteering there who don't really need it all. Jake heads back to meet Leslie proud of his humanitarian work. The RNC is abuzz over the evidence room theft, drug-related crimes are spiking across the city, and everyone is looking for Jake.
Jake grows a mullet to hide his identity, and meets Pinsent's strongman, ex-con Alan Doyle, who, despite his efforts to act like an ex-con, can't break out of his Robin Hood character Alan-a-Dayle.
Jake and Alan go into hiding in the woods, and Jake tries to help Alan regain his identity as frontman of Great Big Sea, but a-Dayle is not impressed with he "Oh yeah!" theme song.
Russell Crowe is angry that Jake has been impersonating him by taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Crowe and the RNC find Jake and Allan in the woods. The chase ends with an epic battle on Middle Cove beach between Jake and Allan and the needy of St. John's (there to protect their hero Jake), and Russell Crowe, the RNC, and the jilted hot prosecutor, with Leslie caught in the middle. Ridley Scott shows up with a video camera, so he can post the video on youtube.
Will Jake survive Crowe's wrath? Will Jake get another chance with Leslie or the hot prosecutor? There's no telling, as the show's producers didn't intend for the involvement of Crowe or Scott, or the battle on the beach, and are terrified of the cost overruns. The show's only hope now is that Scott's video takes home the Oscar for the category of "best youtube video of a TV drama impersonating a feature length film" and that Allan Hawco take home the oscar for "best abs."
Doyle Hard with a Vengeance
On a nice summer's day Jake gets a call from the RNC requesting that he head down to HQ for an important meeting. At the meeting Leslie informs Jake that an unnamed caller has threatened to blow up a school if Jake doesn't go to Shea Heights wearing a sandwich board that says "I Hate Skeets." Although Jake is somewhat apprehensive about such an undertaking he realizes that the lives of all of those summer school kids are likely collectively more valuable than his own life.
Not long after escaping from a shower of glass bottles in Shea Heights Jake is thrust into a series of life-or-death challenges, all the while not really knowing why he seems to be the target of an evil plot.
After several hours of gruelling and dangerous tasks (all just to save a few future dropouts) Jake starts to wonder what is going on. Fortunately for Jake, he soon figures out that this all ties into the case he solved in Doyle Hard and that this isn't just a crazy masochist, but likely an elaborate drug heist perpetrated by the brother of his one-time foe. And it turns out Jake's hunch is right. As soon as the cops were notified of the school threat they moved all of their people to schools and away from monitoring the hospitals and methadone programs. All of the prescription drugs in St. John's were unguarded and practically free for the taking.
Fortunately Jake is able to make the RNC aware of the plan early enough so that they are able to halt many of the dozens of pharmacy robberies that are going on around the city. Due to his quick thinking Jake is able to keep hundreds of kilos of pure Oxy off of the streets and out of the hands of unsuspecting young children.
Not long after escaping from a shower of glass bottles in Shea Heights Jake is thrust into a series of life-or-death challenges, all the while not really knowing why he seems to be the target of an evil plot.
After several hours of gruelling and dangerous tasks (all just to save a few future dropouts) Jake starts to wonder what is going on. Fortunately for Jake, he soon figures out that this all ties into the case he solved in Doyle Hard and that this isn't just a crazy masochist, but likely an elaborate drug heist perpetrated by the brother of his one-time foe. And it turns out Jake's hunch is right. As soon as the cops were notified of the school threat they moved all of their people to schools and away from monitoring the hospitals and methadone programs. All of the prescription drugs in St. John's were unguarded and practically free for the taking.
Fortunately Jake is able to make the RNC aware of the plan early enough so that they are able to halt many of the dozens of pharmacy robberies that are going on around the city. Due to his quick thinking Jake is able to keep hundreds of kilos of pure Oxy off of the streets and out of the hands of unsuspecting young children.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Eyes Wide Doyle
Jake realizes that more than anything he wants to be a member of a secret sex club. Sadly, as hard as Jake tries he just can't find such a club in St. John's. With Des's help Jake decides to once and for all find a club and have them make him a member.
Eventually Jake gets a good lead and ventures out to a large house in St. Philips. After managing to talk his way through the guards at the front door Jake is able to enter the more sinful parts of the house. Everything is going very well until Jake notices a puff of strangely familiar red hair. It doesn't take long to figure out that it is Rose's hair that he can see that that likely means his father is nearby. As Jake is heading for the exit Mal and Rose look up and see Jake leaving.
When everyone is back at work the next day they pretend as though nothing happened and Jake realizes that he is no longer interested in joining a secret sex club.
Eventually Jake gets a good lead and ventures out to a large house in St. Philips. After managing to talk his way through the guards at the front door Jake is able to enter the more sinful parts of the house. Everything is going very well until Jake notices a puff of strangely familiar red hair. It doesn't take long to figure out that it is Rose's hair that he can see that that likely means his father is nearby. As Jake is heading for the exit Mal and Rose look up and see Jake leaving.
When everyone is back at work the next day they pretend as though nothing happened and Jake realizes that he is no longer interested in joining a secret sex club.
Sex in the Doyle 2
Walter is to be honoured by the legal profession in Ottawa and invites Jake to tag along as his +1. Jake, seeing it as a way to get in tight with the hot crown prosecutor, decides to tag along. Just before the dinner another of the honoured guest turns up dead. As all of the lawyers want to avoid being suspects in a murder case Jake is asked to step in and see if he can find the culprit before matters are handed over to the police. The climax scene involves an on-skates chase on the Rideau Canal.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Doyle it to the Next Level
In the final chapter of this 3-part epic: (See: Doyle it Back a Little, and Doyle it Down, will ya?) the crime rate in Newfoundland is not high enough to require the services of the RCMP, the 'stab, and a PI team.
Lacking cases, Jake, rather than being satisfied that crime is low, starts a number of crime sprees to show that he is needed, then begins investigating himself when he is hired to track down who is behind his crime sprees. Jake tracks himself down to his secret lair above the Duke, and finds the plans, diagrams, and maps of his own schemes. Excited, Jake arrests himself...
Leslie drops by to share some sexual tension with Jake, only to find him in handcuffs, and evidence of his crime spree all over the apartment. Leslie has no choice but to arrest Jake, and he once again becomes the laughing stock of the police and lawyers of St. John's.
The judge, in recognition of his past services to the city, does not send him to the pen. Jake moves to Toronto where the crime rate is higher, so he can once again work as a PI. Jakes arrives in Toronto to discover everyone wears a leather jacket and sunglasses, and he doesn't stand out at all, despite his efforts to find the blackest leather jackets and darkest shades. Can Jake make it as a PI in Toronto, or will he have to get a job in a beer factory? Will he ever make it back to Newfoundland?
The ladies of St. John's miss Jake terribly, and begin crime sprees all over the city in order to bring the native son home. Jake returns to St. John's, now known as "St. Detroit," happily seduces more local ladies, and fights the crimes they commit to provide work for him.
Lacking cases, Jake, rather than being satisfied that crime is low, starts a number of crime sprees to show that he is needed, then begins investigating himself when he is hired to track down who is behind his crime sprees. Jake tracks himself down to his secret lair above the Duke, and finds the plans, diagrams, and maps of his own schemes. Excited, Jake arrests himself...
Leslie drops by to share some sexual tension with Jake, only to find him in handcuffs, and evidence of his crime spree all over the apartment. Leslie has no choice but to arrest Jake, and he once again becomes the laughing stock of the police and lawyers of St. John's.
The judge, in recognition of his past services to the city, does not send him to the pen. Jake moves to Toronto where the crime rate is higher, so he can once again work as a PI. Jakes arrives in Toronto to discover everyone wears a leather jacket and sunglasses, and he doesn't stand out at all, despite his efforts to find the blackest leather jackets and darkest shades. Can Jake make it as a PI in Toronto, or will he have to get a job in a beer factory? Will he ever make it back to Newfoundland?
The ladies of St. John's miss Jake terribly, and begin crime sprees all over the city in order to bring the native son home. Jake returns to St. John's, now known as "St. Detroit," happily seduces more local ladies, and fights the crimes they commit to provide work for him.
A Baker's Doyle
Soon after a doughnut shop proprietor notices that many of his patrons are gaining weight at a rather alarming rate he hires Jake and Mal to figure out who is adding a fattening contaminant to his products. We see plenty of Leslie as she turns up at each doughnut shops that Jake and Mal stake-out.
Doyle Runner
After years of flawless detecting Jake starts to get the sense that something is amiss. Jake is just too good at his job to be a normal human being. This flawless detecting coupled with his longstanding inability to cry lead Jake to believe that he may in fact be a replicant sent to St. John's to fight crime. To ferret out the truth Jake decides to run a few questions past Mal. Mal is awfully elusive when it comes to details about Jake's birth and time in the womb. Maybe Jake is a replicant? Is it really fair to the criminals of St. John's that they are up against a replicant instead of just an normal, falible police officer?
Our most important right is our right to Doyle
It's that time of the week again! We've picked four of the most popular pitches for your voting pleasure in our weekly poll. The winner will either get the full YouTube treatment or a movie poster (depending on how motivated our "Photoshop Wizard" is feeling this week). And the nominees are...
Legends of the Doyle
Disillusioned by the seedy side of St. John's, Mal moves Jake and Christian to Bay Bulls where they can be free and run tours. Des, who is like a son since Tinny's death from tuberculosis, come to live with them and bring gorgeous MUN grad girlfriend Sooze. Des, Jake, and Christian go to Afghanistan where Des dies. Years later, Jake becomes a town councillor and marries Sooze, while Christian goes walkabout. Christian gets killed by a moose.
127 Doyles
In the midst of the confusion of a large Doyle family reunion someone absconds with the roast pig. Immediately the Doyle family jumps into actions and begins investigating the theft. Several different groups of Doyles are followed, which allows different detecting styles to be highlighted. As usual, Jake and Mal take a Jake getting punched in the face approach, Faustus employs some of the mysticism of the East, while Mal's brother Jimmy reverts to his backwoods stylings. All the while the Green Bay Doyles just look on and laugh (they have already consumed the missing pig).
The Last of the Doyles
Jake goes for a routine medical exam, and discovers his "little Doyles don't work." The Doyle family decides to prank Jake, each member claiming that they are either impotent, can't bear children, or are gay, leading Jake to believe he is the last of the Doyles.
Jake is distraught that such a fine people will soon die out, and donates himself to science to find the secret to immortality, so nobody has to live in a world without Doyles. Scientists discover a way to cryogenically freeze Jake, so that he will live forever in suspended animation. Jake has one last shag with Leslie. The doctors freeze Jake, and build a grand mausoleum for him in Bannerman Park where everyone can enjoy him.
Leslie is shocked to discover she is with child. Is Jake really the father, and can the immortality process be reversed? This sounds like a job for Jakes' time machine. Or a nuclear reactor. Or a trip to the Sun. Or a secret antidote. Or a trip to the Earth's core. Or the miracle of Leslie's touch. Or whatever they did to Han Solo in Star Wars. The cryogenic freezing doesn't actually stand much of a chance.
The Doyle in the Iron Mask
Jake discovers there is a new, more successful, more handsome PI in St. John's. Jake uses his years as a blacksmith apprentice to make an iron mask for the gentleman. Jake then has Leslie arrest him on a false charge, and bribes the guards at the pen to keep the mask on the man, so that the ladies may never set their eyes on him.
His position once again secure, Jake goes about detecting with gusto, and while examining a metal pail for clues, gets his head stuck in the bucket. Jake is really stuck, but manages to make the best of it, getting custom sunglasses for the bucket.
Jake is better protected from the hits to the head he frequently gets, and uses the bucket to gain sympathy with the Florence Nightingale types, increasing his success with the ladies. Will Jake ever get the bucket off his head? Will St. John's ever find out about the PI in the iron mask? Yes and no (suspense is not the show's strong suit).
Backstreet Doyles
In order to endear themselves to a new generation of St. John's ladies Jake and Christian decide to start St. John's first boy band. To fill out their numbers they convince Mal and Walter to join. Unfortunately for the boys, Mal's tendency to harmonize makes them sound a little more barbershop than the ladies find attractive. On the up side, the Backstreet Doyles are able to secure a regular booking down the the Hoyles Escasoni.
Legends of the Doyle
Disillusioned by the seedy side of St. John's, Mal moves Jake and Christian to Bay Bulls where they can be free and run tours. Des, who is like a son since Tinny's death from tuberculosis, come to live with them and bring gorgeous MUN grad girlfriend Sooze. Des, Jake, and Christian go to Afghanistan where Des dies. Years later, Jake becomes a town councillor and marries Sooze, while Christian goes walkabout. Christian gets killed by a moose.
127 Doyles
In the midst of the confusion of a large Doyle family reunion someone absconds with the roast pig. Immediately the Doyle family jumps into actions and begins investigating the theft. Several different groups of Doyles are followed, which allows different detecting styles to be highlighted. As usual, Jake and Mal take a Jake getting punched in the face approach, Faustus employs some of the mysticism of the East, while Mal's brother Jimmy reverts to his backwoods stylings. All the while the Green Bay Doyles just look on and laugh (they have already consumed the missing pig).
The Last of the Doyles
Jake goes for a routine medical exam, and discovers his "little Doyles don't work." The Doyle family decides to prank Jake, each member claiming that they are either impotent, can't bear children, or are gay, leading Jake to believe he is the last of the Doyles.
Jake is distraught that such a fine people will soon die out, and donates himself to science to find the secret to immortality, so nobody has to live in a world without Doyles. Scientists discover a way to cryogenically freeze Jake, so that he will live forever in suspended animation. Jake has one last shag with Leslie. The doctors freeze Jake, and build a grand mausoleum for him in Bannerman Park where everyone can enjoy him.
Leslie is shocked to discover she is with child. Is Jake really the father, and can the immortality process be reversed? This sounds like a job for Jakes' time machine. Or a nuclear reactor. Or a trip to the Sun. Or a secret antidote. Or a trip to the Earth's core. Or the miracle of Leslie's touch. Or whatever they did to Han Solo in Star Wars. The cryogenic freezing doesn't actually stand much of a chance.
The Doyle in the Iron Mask
Jake discovers there is a new, more successful, more handsome PI in St. John's. Jake uses his years as a blacksmith apprentice to make an iron mask for the gentleman. Jake then has Leslie arrest him on a false charge, and bribes the guards at the pen to keep the mask on the man, so that the ladies may never set their eyes on him.
His position once again secure, Jake goes about detecting with gusto, and while examining a metal pail for clues, gets his head stuck in the bucket. Jake is really stuck, but manages to make the best of it, getting custom sunglasses for the bucket.
Jake is better protected from the hits to the head he frequently gets, and uses the bucket to gain sympathy with the Florence Nightingale types, increasing his success with the ladies. Will Jake ever get the bucket off his head? Will St. John's ever find out about the PI in the iron mask? Yes and no (suspense is not the show's strong suit).
Backstreet Doyles
In order to endear themselves to a new generation of St. John's ladies Jake and Christian decide to start St. John's first boy band. To fill out their numbers they convince Mal and Walter to join. Unfortunately for the boys, Mal's tendency to harmonize makes them sound a little more barbershop than the ladies find attractive. On the up side, the Backstreet Doyles are able to secure a regular booking down the the Hoyles Escasoni.
The results of our latest Doyle
As you can see, the RoboDoyle pitch was victorious in our most recent poll. It should be noted that the Trouble with Doyle fought hard and came within a vote of tying RoboDoyle.
As with past polls winners, RoboDoyle has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
As with past polls winners, RoboDoyle has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Last of the Doyles
Jake goes for a routine medical exam, and discovers his "little Doyles don't work." The Doyle family decides to prank Jake, each member claiming that they are either impotent, can't bear children, or are gay, leading Jake to believe he is the last of the Doyles.
Jake is distraught that such a fine people will soon die out, and donates himself to science to find the secret to immortality, so nobody has to live in a world without Doyles. Scientists discover a way to cryogenically freeze Jake, so that he will live forever in suspended animation. Jake has one last shag with Leslie. The doctors freeze Jake, and build a grand mausoleum for him in Bannerman Park where everyone can enjoy him.
Leslie is shocked to discover she is with child. Is Jake really the father, and can the immortality process be reversed? This sounds like a job for Jakes' time machine. Or a nuclear reactor. Or a trip to the Sun. Or a secret antidote. Or a trip to the Earth's core. Or the miracle of Leslie's touch. Or whatever they did to Han Solo in Star Wars. The cryogenic freezing doesn't actually stand much of a chance.
Jake is distraught that such a fine people will soon die out, and donates himself to science to find the secret to immortality, so nobody has to live in a world without Doyles. Scientists discover a way to cryogenically freeze Jake, so that he will live forever in suspended animation. Jake has one last shag with Leslie. The doctors freeze Jake, and build a grand mausoleum for him in Bannerman Park where everyone can enjoy him.
Leslie is shocked to discover she is with child. Is Jake really the father, and can the immortality process be reversed? This sounds like a job for Jakes' time machine. Or a nuclear reactor. Or a trip to the Sun. Or a secret antidote. Or a trip to the Earth's core. Or the miracle of Leslie's touch. Or whatever they did to Han Solo in Star Wars. The cryogenic freezing doesn't actually stand much of a chance.
Waiting for Doyle
A prospective client arranges to meet Jake at bench overlooking Quidi Vidi Lake. The prospective client, accompanied by his man servant, pontificates on life while waiting for Jake to arrive. When the episode ends Jake still hasn't arrived.
The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Doyle
Jake, tiring of his Mount Pearl curl and leather jacket, decides to update his look. After tossing his wardrobe and heading down to the thrift shop to pick up some hipster-approved duds, Jake makes his way to the most expensive salon in St. John's.
Once Jake is in the hairdresser's chair he realizes that he has gotten in a little over his head, there is no way that he can afford such an expensive haircut. Of course, he also isn't interested in losing face by getting up before the styling session starts. Jake reaches a compromise with himself, he will just stick to the cheapest dye-job possible.
It turns out that the only colour in the lowest price bracket is bright orange, and Jake has no choice but to accept this gut-turning abomination of a colour (at least he won't have to see it).
The upside is that because of all of the time and effort Jake spent updating his image there isn't enough time for a mystery this week.
Once Jake is in the hairdresser's chair he realizes that he has gotten in a little over his head, there is no way that he can afford such an expensive haircut. Of course, he also isn't interested in losing face by getting up before the styling session starts. Jake reaches a compromise with himself, he will just stick to the cheapest dye-job possible.
It turns out that the only colour in the lowest price bracket is bright orange, and Jake has no choice but to accept this gut-turning abomination of a colour (at least he won't have to see it).
The upside is that because of all of the time and effort Jake spent updating his image there isn't enough time for a mystery this week.
Steal This Doyle
On the local news, as a publicity stunt for their firm, Jakes makes the claim that if any of his family members are kidnapped he and Mal will be able to track them down and return them to safety within 72 hours. Of course, a few of the b'ys around the bay decide to take Jake up on this offer, only they decide to kidnap Jake instead of Christian or Rose.
All of a sudden Mal and the rest of the Doyles (plus Des) are thrust into a high stakes game of detecting as the kidnappers have threatened to kill Jake if he isn't located within the 72 hour window.
Will Jake be found before it is too late? Will the Doyles decide that the insurance money is more valuable to them than Jake? Tune in to find out answers to these questions and many more!
All of a sudden Mal and the rest of the Doyles (plus Des) are thrust into a high stakes game of detecting as the kidnappers have threatened to kill Jake if he isn't located within the 72 hour window.
Will Jake be found before it is too late? Will the Doyles decide that the insurance money is more valuable to them than Jake? Tune in to find out answers to these questions and many more!
The Saga of Jake the Lucky
Jake hears rumours of a large landmass called "the old world" somewhere to the east of Newfoundland, with lands closer to the northeast. Jake decides he would like to be the first to discover these lands, and claim them for Newfoundland. Jake purchases a vessel, and enlists Mal, Des, Walter, and Tinny as his crew.
Jake spends his time on deck drinking pina coladas and "working on his abs," much to the irritation of the rest of the crew. They sail northwest and discover a giant glacier, and decide to call it IcecubeLand, least anybody get any ideas about trying to settle there. They continue sailing east and discover a smaller island, and after interacting with the natives, decide to call it Debtland, and decline to claim it for Newfoundland, as it would bankrupt the budding empire. They sail southeast for several more days, braving the elements, and Jake solves the crime of who threw his sunglasses overboard (they were all in on it).
Finally, their little vessel, Hot Cop, reaches a green landmass, and Jake claims it for the Republic of Newfoundland. Jake is shocked to discover these people look exactly like many Newfoundlanders, and in fact there are many Doyles among these people. Jake dubs the land DoyleLand, and marvels that so far from home in these exotic lands there are people just like them. Jake reasons there must be Doyles all over the world, and while filled with pride, is saddened that he is not as unique as he thought.
Jake falls into an existential depression. To make himself feel better, Jake sleeps with a number of these hot Doylelandites, and earns the nickname "Jake the Lucky." The men of the land become jealous, and banish the crew from the land. Will the intrepid explorers escape from Doyleland, and can they make it back to Newfoundland?
Jake spends his time on deck drinking pina coladas and "working on his abs," much to the irritation of the rest of the crew. They sail northwest and discover a giant glacier, and decide to call it IcecubeLand, least anybody get any ideas about trying to settle there. They continue sailing east and discover a smaller island, and after interacting with the natives, decide to call it Debtland, and decline to claim it for Newfoundland, as it would bankrupt the budding empire. They sail southeast for several more days, braving the elements, and Jake solves the crime of who threw his sunglasses overboard (they were all in on it).
Finally, their little vessel, Hot Cop, reaches a green landmass, and Jake claims it for the Republic of Newfoundland. Jake is shocked to discover these people look exactly like many Newfoundlanders, and in fact there are many Doyles among these people. Jake dubs the land DoyleLand, and marvels that so far from home in these exotic lands there are people just like them. Jake reasons there must be Doyles all over the world, and while filled with pride, is saddened that he is not as unique as he thought.
Jake falls into an existential depression. To make himself feel better, Jake sleeps with a number of these hot Doylelandites, and earns the nickname "Jake the Lucky." The men of the land become jealous, and banish the crew from the land. Will the intrepid explorers escape from Doyleland, and can they make it back to Newfoundland?
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Right Doyle
A mysterious man calls the Doyle household and insistes that "the right Doyle" appear in the mall food court the next day at noon, if they don't appear the entire family will risk serious trauma. Never a family to risk serious trauma, the family discusses who might be "the right Doyle" and eventually settles on Christian as he is the least valuable and most expendable member of the family.
Of course, not long after noon the family gets another call from the same caller indicating that the Doyles have not sent "the right Doyle," but that they will have a chance to redeem themselves the next day.
Of course even though they send Jake the next day they get another call suggesting that they have not sent "the right Doyle."
After a few days of sending Doyles to the mall food court Tinny is the only one not to have made the trip. And though they are reluctant to send her, the Doyles are very interested in avoiding the serious consequences that have been threatened if "the right Doyle" doesn't make an appearance in the food court at the agreed upon time.
As soon as Tinny takes a seat in the food court Des walks in sits down with a family pack of fried chicken. It turns out Des just wanted to have lunch with Tinny and he knew that she wouldn't voluntarily join him for such an outing. Tinny decides to stay for lunch, but only because fried chicken is her favourite food.
Of course, not long after noon the family gets another call from the same caller indicating that the Doyles have not sent "the right Doyle," but that they will have a chance to redeem themselves the next day.
Of course even though they send Jake the next day they get another call suggesting that they have not sent "the right Doyle."
After a few days of sending Doyles to the mall food court Tinny is the only one not to have made the trip. And though they are reluctant to send her, the Doyles are very interested in avoiding the serious consequences that have been threatened if "the right Doyle" doesn't make an appearance in the food court at the agreed upon time.
As soon as Tinny takes a seat in the food court Des walks in sits down with a family pack of fried chicken. It turns out Des just wanted to have lunch with Tinny and he knew that she wouldn't voluntarily join him for such an outing. Tinny decides to stay for lunch, but only because fried chicken is her favourite food.
The Social Doyle
Jake finally decides to "get with the times" and asks Des to help him set up a Facebook account. Unfortunately, Jake discovers he only has two friends - Walter and Rose. Jake quickly gives up on "The Facebook" and decides he might have better luck with ChatRoulette.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Catch Tinny if you can
Tinny's weed operation fails, and she becomes a very successful con artist to make some desperately needed money. Jake and Mal are brought in to assist the RNC catch the con artist, code named the Mount Pearl Curl. Tinny embarrasses Jake several times by escaping from under his nose. Jake is the laughingstock of the entire force, and Leslie begins to wonder if her affections for Jake were misplaced (she still has a thing for "the dark foreigner)."
Des realizes the con artist is Tinny, and convinces her to be a regular, law abiding citizen. Des then grows a wicked Mount Pearl Curl, and provides Jake with a series of clues that leads to him. Jake arrests Des, and regains the respect of the police, but has already lost Leslie, who now has fallen for The Dark Foreigner. Meanwhile Des and his curl are a huge hit at the pen. Can Jake win Leslie back? Will Leslie go down dark foreigner alley? Will catholic guilt force Tinny to confess?
Des realizes the con artist is Tinny, and convinces her to be a regular, law abiding citizen. Des then grows a wicked Mount Pearl Curl, and provides Jake with a series of clues that leads to him. Jake arrests Des, and regains the respect of the police, but has already lost Leslie, who now has fallen for The Dark Foreigner. Meanwhile Des and his curl are a huge hit at the pen. Can Jake win Leslie back? Will Leslie go down dark foreigner alley? Will catholic guilt force Tinny to confess?
Winter's Doyle
Because it's winter and winter is cold Jake decides just to hibernate instead of risking the frost-bite he would be sure to get by going shirtless in St. John's in February. Crime rates skyrocket in Jake's self-imposed absence.
The Doyle Knight
Jake looks up the meaning of the family name Doyle online, and discovers it means "dark foreigner." Jake is so pleased with this, he insists that everyone call him "the dark foreigner" and the name of the show to be changed to "Republic of Dark Foreigner."
Everyone is annoyed, but Jake goes farther, trying to look and act mysterious, and playing his new theme song "Hot Blooded" on bust.
City council places a dark foreigner signal on top of city hall, so that whenever the dark foreigner is needed, he can see the glowing sunglasses in the sky. Council then convinces the dark foreigner that they need him to be the villain for St. John's for a while, and Jake happily runs off into hiding. Everyone sighs in relief that Jake is having a timeout.
Everyone is annoyed, but Jake goes farther, trying to look and act mysterious, and playing his new theme song "Hot Blooded" on bust.
City council places a dark foreigner signal on top of city hall, so that whenever the dark foreigner is needed, he can see the glowing sunglasses in the sky. Council then convinces the dark foreigner that they need him to be the villain for St. John's for a while, and Jake happily runs off into hiding. Everyone sighs in relief that Jake is having a timeout.
Doyle Story 3
Jake finally starts to come to terms with the fact that he is really nothing more than an abs bearing boy toy, the Ken doll of private detecting. Apparently no one takes him seriously, or even really wants him in their lives for more than a few years, Malachy included. How will Jake come to terms with this realization about his uselessness? Easy, a death-defying escape/road trip with Walter, all the while being chased by the evil Martin Poole (their only real enemy). Fortunately they make it through the death trap that is the Holyrood power plant and back to St. John's, where they find a new bar to take them in and appreciate them anew.
The Doyle in the Iron Mask
Jake discovers there is a new, more successful, more handsome PI in St. John's. Jake uses his years as a blacksmith apprentice to make an iron mask for the gentleman. Jake then has Leslie arrest him on a false charge, and bribes the guards at the pen to keep the mask on the man, so that the ladies may never set their eyes on him.
His position once again secure, Jake goes about detecting with gusto, and while examining a metal pail for clues, gets his head stuck in the bucket. Jake is really stuck, but manages to make the best of it, getting custom sunglasses for the bucket.
Jake is better protected from the hits to the head he frequently gets, and uses the bucket to gain sympathy with the Florence Nightingale types, increasing his success with the ladies. Will Jake ever get the bucket off his head? Will St. John's ever find out about the PI in the iron mask? Yes and no (suspense is not the show's strong suit).
His position once again secure, Jake goes about detecting with gusto, and while examining a metal pail for clues, gets his head stuck in the bucket. Jake is really stuck, but manages to make the best of it, getting custom sunglasses for the bucket.
Jake is better protected from the hits to the head he frequently gets, and uses the bucket to gain sympathy with the Florence Nightingale types, increasing his success with the ladies. Will Jake ever get the bucket off his head? Will St. John's ever find out about the PI in the iron mask? Yes and no (suspense is not the show's strong suit).
True Doyle
While working on a case Jake is kidnapped and given a truth serum. Shortly after the serum is administered and the needed information given up Jake is released in a cow field in the Goulds.
Amazingly, the serum seems not to be wearing off - meaning that Jake can't tell a lie. Not surprisingly this state of affairs proves problematic (and humorous) in the private detecting business and causes Jake to botch a big case for the Doyles. But where it really impacts Jake's life is in the realm of lust. How is he supposed to play both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor if he can't lie to one or both of them? What if one of them asks him if he loves them? Finally, Jake is forced to admit who he loves the most. The answer, not surprisingly, is himself (Nikki turns out to be in second place).
Amazingly, the serum seems not to be wearing off - meaning that Jake can't tell a lie. Not surprisingly this state of affairs proves problematic (and humorous) in the private detecting business and causes Jake to botch a big case for the Doyles. But where it really impacts Jake's life is in the realm of lust. How is he supposed to play both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor if he can't lie to one or both of them? What if one of them asks him if he loves them? Finally, Jake is forced to admit who he loves the most. The answer, not surprisingly, is himself (Nikki turns out to be in second place).
The Doyle's Speech
Jake is to be called to testify in a case that is being prosecuted by the elegant and educated hot crown prosecutor. Jake realizes that he should have something of a speech prepared with which to impress his audience, and that he should do his best to diminish his Goulds accent (so that he can appear as refined as possible for this hot mainlander). Walter, though he too has a bit of a Newfoundland accent, is enlisted to help Jake mainland-up his speech for the court appearance. Because the b'ys decide to hold their elocution lessons in the Duke over a few pints they are less effective than hoped for, and they cause Jake to forget to prepare for his appearance. Not surprisingly, Jake's fourth rate testimony wrecks the hot crown prosecutor's case, causing the perp to go free, and causing the hot crown prosecutor to be less than impressed with Jake. Fortunately for Jake, Leslie is kicking around on a back burner somewhere and just needs a phone call to be brought back into play.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The Doyles Are All Right
Jake eventually comes to the realization that he is more than just a Doyle, he is also 50% of whatever his mother was. Though Malachy is hesitant to provide many details about his mother, Jake is eventually able to figure out her maiden name and track down her family (he does have those Doyle detecting skills after all). As expected, Jake takes an interest in this new family and wants to get to know them and which genetic traits/powers he may have because of them. Obviously, through all of this Mal feels spurned. Wasn't he a good enough father? Can't Jake just be happy to be a Doyle? Eventually Jake realizes that even though he may be technically 50% of whatever his mother was, functionally he is 100% Doyle.
127 Doyles
In the midst of the confusion of a large Doyle family reunion someone absconds with the roast pig. Immediately the Doyle family jumps into actions and begins investigating the theft. Several different groups of Doyles are followed, which allows different detecting styles to be highlighted. As usual, Jake and Mal take a Jake getting punched in the face approach, Faustus employs some of the mysticism of the East, while Mal's brother Jimmy reverts to his backwoods stylings. All the while the Green Bay Doyles just look on and laugh (they have already consumed the missing pig).
Legends of the Doyle
Disillusioned by the seedy side of St. John's, Mal moves Jake and Christian to Bay Bulls where they can be free and run tours. Des, who is like a son since Tinny's death from tuberculosis, come to live with them and bring gorgeous MUN grad girlfriend Sooze. Des, Jake, and Christian go to Afghanistan where Des dies. Years later, Jake becomes a town councillor and marries Sooze, while Christian goes walkabout. Christian gets killed by a moose.
Contributed from Twitter by Chris Noseworthy.
Contributed from Twitter by Chris Noseworthy.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Backstreet Doyles
In order to endear themselves to a new generation of St. John's ladies Jake and Christian decide to start St. John's first boy band. To fill out their numbers they convince Mal and Walter to join. Unfortunately for the boys, Mal's tendency to harmonize makes them sound a little more barbershop than the ladies find attractive. On the up side, the Backstreet Doyles are able to secure a regular booking down the the Hoyles Escasoni.
How to train your Doyle
In the days after her marriage to Mal, Rose sets about getting her stepsons to behave properly and to treat women with respect. Of course neither Christian nor Jake respond well to having a new wannabe mother figure telling them what to do. In fact, both boy rebel and end up treating all of the women in their lives with even less respect, which is a fairly impressive feat when you consider who it is we are talking about. It is only when Jake and Christian realize that having Rose put in a good word for them might be of use do they start trying to endear themselves to Rose.
Des-perately Seeking Tinny
Des puts a personals ad in The Scope but doesn't leave his name. It gets answered by lawyer Allison, but he thinks it's Tinny.
Contributed via Twitter by KKellyNFHerald
Contributed via Twitter by KKellyNFHerald
The Adventures of Faustus Doyle
Uncle Faustus returns after 3 decades abroad and recounts tales of his adventures detecting in foreign lands.
There will be Doyle
After the Doyles foul up another case for the RNC it becomes clear to everyone in the law-enforcement establishment that they have over-stayed their welcome. Even if the RNC doesn't have the power to directly shut them down, they do decide to try to cut the Doyles off from all access and information, which they hope will force the Doyles to close up shop.
When the Doyles get wind of the actions being taken against they contemplate resignation and failure but then opt to solve the biggest case of their careers to make the public aware of their contribution to detecting in the province. They feel that with universal public support the RNC will have no choice but to accept their continued existence.
Of course for a case to have such an impact it will need to be big, very big. So big that everyone in the province will appreciate them for solving it.
Fortunately for Jake and Mal there happens to be a cold case this big for them to solve: the disappearance of the mighty cod. If they can solve this case they will forever win a place in the hearts of all Newfoundlanders and be safe from the harassment of the petty RNC. Will they succeed where so many scientists (nature's detectives) have failed before them? Stay tuned to find out.
When the Doyles get wind of the actions being taken against they contemplate resignation and failure but then opt to solve the biggest case of their careers to make the public aware of their contribution to detecting in the province. They feel that with universal public support the RNC will have no choice but to accept their continued existence.
Of course for a case to have such an impact it will need to be big, very big. So big that everyone in the province will appreciate them for solving it.
Fortunately for Jake and Mal there happens to be a cold case this big for them to solve: the disappearance of the mighty cod. If they can solve this case they will forever win a place in the hearts of all Newfoundlanders and be safe from the harassment of the petty RNC. Will they succeed where so many scientists (nature's detectives) have failed before them? Stay tuned to find out.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Where the Wild Things Doyle
Jake ups his hipster factor and purchases a romper suit, which he insists on wearing to work, leading to an argument with Malacky over his lack of professionalism. Jake runs away to his secret hiding place: he sails to Belle Island to be King of the mummers.
Jake solves the case of who shoplifted the 5 cent candies from the gas station in Wabana, and develops a crush for a saucy mummer of indeterminate age or sex. Is the only road on Belle Island a hot mummer road? Who is this mysterious creature?
Guest starring as mummers: Rick Mercer, Ron Hynes, Colleen Power, and Fergus O'Byrne. The odds don't look good.
Jake solves the case of who shoplifted the 5 cent candies from the gas station in Wabana, and develops a crush for a saucy mummer of indeterminate age or sex. Is the only road on Belle Island a hot mummer road? Who is this mysterious creature?
Guest starring as mummers: Rick Mercer, Ron Hynes, Colleen Power, and Fergus O'Byrne. The odds don't look good.
Quantum of Doyle
Jake, with his observable private detecting skills, makes the boastful claim that he is the Doyliest of the Doyles. Of course Christian, being the eldest, feels that he has a legitimate claim to the title of Doyliest of the Doyles. To determine once and for all who is the Doyliest Jake and Christian get Mal to judge their Doyle-off. Events in the Doyle-off include: flirting, beer chugging, shirtless sauntering, and private detecting. Des, Tinny, Rose, Leslie, Walter, and the hot crown prosecutor all place bets on who they think will win. The bets and the eventual outcome will surprise even the most skeptical viewer.
Goo Goo Doyles
It seems, much to everyone's surprise, that Rose is pregnant and that Mal is to be a father for the fourth time. In addition to feelings of incomprehension and disgust, Jake eventually realizes that the most significant emotion that he is feeling is jealousy - he can't handle this new baby might take attention away from him. Things get even worse for jake when he is asked by Mal and Rose to babysit so that they can go on surveillance missions together. Fortunately, at the end of the day, little Dicky Doyle becomes a valuable member of the Doyle clan and even manages to work his way into Jake's heart.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
In like a lamb, out like a Doyle
The Doyles, pleased with their success as private detectives, decide to market their particular approach of detecting through a series of seminars and audio cassettes. The method, which is based on a slow start leading towards a dazzling finale, is sold under the title In like a Lamb, Out like a Doyle. The popularity of the program is immediately apparent - the Doyles are swamped with requests for them to speak at private detecting conferences and trade shows. Of course, Doyles being Doyles, Jake and Mal are able to find cases to detect even while they are on the road hawking their wares.
Old Man Doyle
Mal, realizing he is getting too old for the detecting game, turns into a bit of a old crank. Instead of working on cases he just sits at home and hacks up bits of lung and old stories from his walking the beat days. Everybody is just looking for any excuse to put him in a home.
My love is a red, red Doyle
To celebrate his marriage to his redheaded bride Mal asks Rose to join him on a case about a local greenhouse. As a favour to Mal and Rose, Jake agrees to adopt Rose's role (which is to magically acquire the information needed) for the duration of the case. Meanwhile, Tinny is conflicted about the fact that her step-grandmother is a ginger and whether or not it would be appropriate to kick Rose on Kick a Ginger Day.
Wonderful Grand Doyle
Jake, hoping to undermine the position of the Masons and improve his own social standing, starts a fraternal order based on private detecting. As leader of this organization Jake requests that all members (Walter, Mal, Des, and Christian) refer to him as the Wonderful Grand Doyle. Sadly, the Loyal and Independent Empire of Detectors (LIED) is disbanded after only one meeting when Jake realizes that he doesn't have the funds necessary to buy the drinks that would be required to get the members to join him at their meeting at the Duke. Fortunately, Jake bought his fancy new headdress before the organization disbanded.
Doyle at the Roxbury, Part 1
Jake is investigating an assault at Zone 271, and heads down on a Saturday night to check out the scene. Jake gets into the music, and wants to dance, wondering where the ladies are. Jake shrugs and gets his dance on with a few fellas, and manages to talk to a few about the case and get some information.
Meanwhile, Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor, who have over come their jealousy for each other and become friends, are out for drinks. They decide they would like to dance without unwanted attention, and head to the Zone. Confusion reigns when they see Jake dancing up a storm, whispering, and laughing with a number men.
Jake, finally realizing it's a gay bar, sees them and thinks they are secretly having a lesbian affair. Jake is unsure whether this is the worst or best thing to happen in his life. He goes to try his luck on turning the couple into a triangle.
Will Jake go down "hot cop-crown prosecutor bypass?" Will the ladies ever be convinced that Jake is straight? All these questions will fall victim to a "To be continued..." as Jake suddenly passes out, victim of a date rape drug.
Meanwhile, Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor, who have over come their jealousy for each other and become friends, are out for drinks. They decide they would like to dance without unwanted attention, and head to the Zone. Confusion reigns when they see Jake dancing up a storm, whispering, and laughing with a number men.
Jake, finally realizing it's a gay bar, sees them and thinks they are secretly having a lesbian affair. Jake is unsure whether this is the worst or best thing to happen in his life. He goes to try his luck on turning the couple into a triangle.
Will Jake go down "hot cop-crown prosecutor bypass?" Will the ladies ever be convinced that Jake is straight? All these questions will fall victim to a "To be continued..." as Jake suddenly passes out, victim of a date rape drug.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Super Doyle Osborne
Jake is hired by the Stuntperson Group of Newfoundland and Labrador (SGNL) to investigate the fledgling film industry's sketchy health and safety record. Jake decides to go undercover as a stuntman named Gordie Galway, and gets a job on the set of a historical film adaptation of the battle of the Plains of Abraham.
The movie (The Wolfe Pack, starring Tom Cruise as General Wolfe, and Mickey Rourke as the pastry-loving Marquis) takes a number of historical liberties. First, Jake has to be a stunt double for Cruise in a scene where he uses a jet ski and explosives to scale a cliff. In the battle scene, Jake is loaded into a grapeshot cannon, and fired at the French soldiers at a speed of 88 MPH.
Unfortunately, he hits a power line the film makers hadn't accounted for, and Jake is sent back in time and into the midst of the real battle. Jake is concerned that since he didn't take his own time machine, he's not sure how to get back, and that it will be difficult to investigate stunt person safety issues from here, but is distracted by opportunity to find some French girls and try out his French pickup lines.
Will Jake make it back to the present? What implications will his part in the battle have on history? The show is only funded well-enough to answer one of these questions.
The movie (The Wolfe Pack, starring Tom Cruise as General Wolfe, and Mickey Rourke as the pastry-loving Marquis) takes a number of historical liberties. First, Jake has to be a stunt double for Cruise in a scene where he uses a jet ski and explosives to scale a cliff. In the battle scene, Jake is loaded into a grapeshot cannon, and fired at the French soldiers at a speed of 88 MPH.
Unfortunately, he hits a power line the film makers hadn't accounted for, and Jake is sent back in time and into the midst of the real battle. Jake is concerned that since he didn't take his own time machine, he's not sure how to get back, and that it will be difficult to investigate stunt person safety issues from here, but is distracted by opportunity to find some French girls and try out his French pickup lines.
Will Jake make it back to the present? What implications will his part in the battle have on history? The show is only funded well-enough to answer one of these questions.
The Name is Doyle, Jake Doyle
Jake decides to start emulating the world's greatest spy (and lover), James Bond. In order to do this, Jake assumes the identity of Agent 709. He attempts to drink twice as much, bed five times as many women, gamble seven days a week, and speak with a heavier accent.
After a long night of playing baccarat in a dingy bar basement (a stand-in for a casino, as St. John's does not have one), an inebriated Jake picks up a random floozy and attempts to take her to the Delta Hotel in his beloved GTO. Jake manages to drive about ten feet before smashing his car into a fire hydrant and throwing up all over the steering wheel. Obviously, not everyone can be as suave as 007.
After a long night of playing baccarat in a dingy bar basement (a stand-in for a casino, as St. John's does not have one), an inebriated Jake picks up a random floozy and attempts to take her to the Delta Hotel in his beloved GTO. Jake manages to drive about ten feet before smashing his car into a fire hydrant and throwing up all over the steering wheel. Obviously, not everyone can be as suave as 007.
Blind Doyle
Bees keep dying from that colony collapse syndrome, and Jake thinks the Kilbride Three are involved.
The Real Housewives of Doyle County
Des, taking a page out of Jake's playbook, realizes that the best ladies to meet are those on whom one is to be conducting adultery surveillance - as one knows that they are alone. Though many of these women are eventually desgusted wtih themselves for having succumbed to Des's charms, at the time they were utterly desirous of Des's attention. All the while Jake can't believe how easily his technique was replicated by Des.
About a Doyle
Jake's leather jacket is at the cleaners, and his sunglasses are in the repair shop after he flexed his face muscles. Without these key props, Jake doesn't have as much luck with the ladies, and loses a bit of confidence. Not to shy away from a challenge, Jake decides to hit the single parent meetings in hopes of meeting some hot moms in hot mom jeans.
In order to cover his story as a vulnerable single dad, Jake dresses Malacky up as a youngster with a large lollipop, and parades him around town. Malacky enjoys playing video games while on the play dates, and develops a serious Wii addiction, while Jakes goes to one of the support meetings to discover that hot crown prosecutor is now single... but also a mom. Will Jake go down "hot mom road?"
In order to cover his story as a vulnerable single dad, Jake dresses Malacky up as a youngster with a large lollipop, and parades him around town. Malacky enjoys playing video games while on the play dates, and develops a serious Wii addiction, while Jakes goes to one of the support meetings to discover that hot crown prosecutor is now single... but also a mom. Will Jake go down "hot mom road?"
Doyle in the Family
This flashback episode takes us back to the time when a newly married Jake was first introduced to Nikki's family. While Nikki's parents appreciated the physical attributes of Jake's abs, they were a little less than pleased that he was so keen on displaying them at each meal. Of course, Nikki's sister Stephanie was so taken with Jake's abs that she managed to talk him into having an affair with her that night.
Doyle's Company (spin-off sitcom)
There is a huge oil and gas boom in St. John's and it's more and more difficult to find a place. Jake has to live somewhere outside the office and Christian is at Mal and Linda's, so he is forced to move in with Leslie, as is Alison, whose apartment was taken over by an oil executive from Houston willing to pay thousands more per month. Neither Mal nor Leslie nor Alison love the idea, but it can't be helped. Besides, Jake is loving it. He promises Mal he will focus on his work though, and promises both women he will be nothing but a gentleman - which he of course has no intention of doing. Walter lives upstairs, and he and Jake are always getting up to something. Des lives downstairs and is tasked with keeping an eye on Jake, but Jake of course is always one step ahead, even if it sometimes leads to painful close calls. Misunderstandings, general confusion and utter hilarity ensue...
Contributed by MPots.
Contributed by MPots.
Bonnie and Doyle
While working undercover as a bandit, Jake meets notorious outlaw Jane Dunn. They agree to go on a crime spree, and then take off for the mainland via Labrador. Their crime spree takes them up the Great Northern Peninsula, which means they mostly just drive, but Jake acts so crazy it seems as though he's set on becoming a criminal. Jake falls hard for Jane, and commits a number of robberies to impress her.
While waiting for the ferry to Labrador, they decide to have a picnic at the Lanse Aux Meadows site. Viking reenactors recognize Jane Dunn from her wanted posters, and cut her down with their broad swords and pointy helmets. However, they are mesmerized by Jake's good looks, and he manages to convince them he is a PI. Jake goes into deep mourning for Jane for a good 3 minutes before meeting a saucy young Viking reenactor, and they manage to sneak away for a bit of grassing.
While waiting for the ferry to Labrador, they decide to have a picnic at the Lanse Aux Meadows site. Viking reenactors recognize Jane Dunn from her wanted posters, and cut her down with their broad swords and pointy helmets. However, they are mesmerized by Jake's good looks, and he manages to convince them he is a PI. Jake goes into deep mourning for Jane for a good 3 minutes before meeting a saucy young Viking reenactor, and they manage to sneak away for a bit of grassing.
Get your Doyle on in our newest poll!
It's that time of the week again! We've picked four of the most popular pitches for your voting pleasure in our weekly poll. The winner will either get the full YouTube treatment or a movie poster (depending on how motivated our "Photoshop Wizard" is feeling this week). And the nominees are...
The Trouble with Doyle
Christian, after bar funding collapses, finds work fixing potholes for the City of St. John's. Shortly after, residents of a quirky Newfoundland village find a freshly dead Christian on a hillside above the town.
Is mayor suspect knowing Christian liked Leslie?
Hey Doyle!
Jake, as a tambourinist, joins an 8 piece alt-rock band to kill the time between cases (and chicks dig guys in bands). This new sideline puts Jake in touch with a number of the bartenders and club owners in the St. John's area.
Almost immediately Jake starts to get the sense that something is amiss. With a little help from Des and Tinny acting as undercover operatives, Jake uncovers a cartel among the bartenders intended to drive up drink prices in the St. John's area.
Fortunately, Leslie has experience with forensic audits and corporate crime so she is able to swoop in on Jake's cue and take the big-wig bartenders down.
The Kilbride Three
The Kilbride Three are three notorious criminals, Bruce Tobin, his brother Billy Tobin, and Brad Abbott, who are actually from Shea Heights, but commit their crimes in Kilbride, commuting faithfully every Saturday night by ATV to hold up one of the three gas stations in the Kilbride area for black horse, smokes and scratch tickets (Billy also like a bit of beef Jerky, and Brad likes to ask for a soft serve, and hit on the lady working the counter).
After each hold up, they gun 'er over to one of the local cemeteries and get drunk and eat beef jerky. Everybody knows it's them, and they are wonderfully predictable, yet no one has managed to catch them until a young Nora Saunders cuts her teeth on the case. See: Remington Doyle
RoboDoyle
After being seriously injured during an intense gun fight in Da 'Bride, Jake is offered the chance to enroll in the RNC's cyborg program. Not wanting to turn down the chance to impress Leslie, Jake agrees to have his mutilated arms and legs replaced with robotic limbs. Fortunately, his natural "abs of steel" required no replacement. With his new cyborg handware, Jake decides to seek revenge on the skeets who shot him. More importantly, Jake wants to show Leslie the new features added to his "third leg".
The Trouble with Doyle
Christian, after bar funding collapses, finds work fixing potholes for the City of St. John's. Shortly after, residents of a quirky Newfoundland village find a freshly dead Christian on a hillside above the town.
Is mayor suspect knowing Christian liked Leslie?
Hey Doyle!
Jake, as a tambourinist, joins an 8 piece alt-rock band to kill the time between cases (and chicks dig guys in bands). This new sideline puts Jake in touch with a number of the bartenders and club owners in the St. John's area.
Almost immediately Jake starts to get the sense that something is amiss. With a little help from Des and Tinny acting as undercover operatives, Jake uncovers a cartel among the bartenders intended to drive up drink prices in the St. John's area.
Fortunately, Leslie has experience with forensic audits and corporate crime so she is able to swoop in on Jake's cue and take the big-wig bartenders down.
The Kilbride Three
The Kilbride Three are three notorious criminals, Bruce Tobin, his brother Billy Tobin, and Brad Abbott, who are actually from Shea Heights, but commit their crimes in Kilbride, commuting faithfully every Saturday night by ATV to hold up one of the three gas stations in the Kilbride area for black horse, smokes and scratch tickets (Billy also like a bit of beef Jerky, and Brad likes to ask for a soft serve, and hit on the lady working the counter).
After each hold up, they gun 'er over to one of the local cemeteries and get drunk and eat beef jerky. Everybody knows it's them, and they are wonderfully predictable, yet no one has managed to catch them until a young Nora Saunders cuts her teeth on the case. See: Remington Doyle
RoboDoyle
After being seriously injured during an intense gun fight in Da 'Bride, Jake is offered the chance to enroll in the RNC's cyborg program. Not wanting to turn down the chance to impress Leslie, Jake agrees to have his mutilated arms and legs replaced with robotic limbs. Fortunately, his natural "abs of steel" required no replacement. With his new cyborg handware, Jake decides to seek revenge on the skeets who shot him. More importantly, Jake wants to show Leslie the new features added to his "third leg".
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Trouble With Doyle
Christian, after bar funding collapses, finds work fixing potholes for the City of St. John's. Shortly after, residents of a quirky Newfoundland village find a freshly dead Christian on a hillside above the town.
Is mayor suspect knowing Christian liked Leslie?
Submitted through Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Is mayor suspect knowing Christian liked Leslie?
Submitted through Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Moammar Doyle
In this special exclusive-to-CNN episode the Libyan branch of Doyle family makes international headlines as they use their private detecting skills to uncover evidence of the corruption and repressive practices of the current Libyan regime. Eventually they even use their special genetic detecting skills to find and detain their country's dictator.
Catcher in the Doyle
In this rare Tinny-centric episode, Tinny gets expelled from school after a teacher discovers that she has been dealing home-grown pot to other students. Knowing that she can't face Jake, Mal, and Rose, Tinny flees St. John's and makes her way to a seedy bar just outside of Foxtrap. After having a fling with a local boy, a very intoxicated Tinny hallucinates about falling off a cliff into a field of rye. Having never read "Catcher in the Rye" (she never really was much of an academic), Tinny believes the rye represents marijuana, and that her fall into the field symbolizes a safety net from her failed attempt at a proper education. Tinny returns to St. John's to resume her pot growing operation, having learned absolutely nothing from her ordeal.
Alternative Title: Doyle in the Rye
Alternative Title: Doyle in the Rye
Doyle of Honour
Given their closeness over the years, Leslie asks Jake to be her maid of honour at her upcoming wedding to the Mayor. Though Jake is tempted by the offer (he has always looked superb in fuchsia) he decides instead to try to steal the bride-to-be away from the Mayor by engaging in a major charm offensive. Sadly, the only way of being nice to Leslie that Jake can come up with is to buy her coffee and doughnuts . Leslie is not impressed. Eventually Leslie realizes that she doesn't love the mayor - but marries him just to spite Jake Doyle.
The Wealth of Doyles
Out of nowhere Jake feels an invisible hand guiding him through his daily life. Fortunately for Jake, this invisible hand guides him towards socially just and equitable decisions and away from inefficient decisions. Within a few days of Jake's submission to the invisible hand (which he has named Ted), all of St. John's is better off and experiencing less crime.
The Doyle Whisperer
While taking a family vacation the Doyles come across a old cowpoke who has a way with animals, they immediately trust him and do what he wants. Much to everyone's surprise, Terrance's skills seem to work just as well on Jake as they do horses.
At Mal's behest Terrance gets Jake to buy some clothes that reflect his age and chosen profession. Furthermore, Terrence gets Jake to lay off the ladies for the rest of the vacation. Sadly, Mal can't quite afford to bring Terrence back to St. John's to work as a full time Jake-wrangler.
At Mal's behest Terrance gets Jake to buy some clothes that reflect his age and chosen profession. Furthermore, Terrence gets Jake to lay off the ladies for the rest of the vacation. Sadly, Mal can't quite afford to bring Terrence back to St. John's to work as a full time Jake-wrangler.
To Jake Doyle!
The Series Finale, Part 8 of 9
On Good Friday, in the year 2545, three drunk, middle-aged businessmen stumble into The Duke from Jake Doyle's traditional Irish wake, and order tall glasses of Irish Whiskey. They can be heard to say:
Drunk #1: Jake Doyle was the best damn PI in the office! Did you know Doyle was 11 feet tall, and was as hairy as a gorilla!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #2: One time Doyle went back in time to stop the Great Fire of 1892, but let the fire happen anyway, because he liked to roast marshmallows!
Drunk #3: Jake Doyle lived for over 500 years, and he was canonized by the Pope when he was 30!
Drunk #2: Best damn PI in the office!
Drunk #1: One time Jake went to medical school to save his friends from a terrible virus. He graduated med school in 15 minutes!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #3: Doyle sired 10000 children, and didn't pay child support for any of em'!
Drunk #2: Did you guys know Doyle was premier of Newfoundland from 2011 to 2075...It's true- he revived Joey Smallwood's rubber boot factory, and won the Noble Peace Prize for...somethin'!
Drunk #1: Jake Doyle won the Mr. Universe award 50 years straight after life was found on other planets!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
They carry on this way for the entire episode, interrupted several times by others who knew Jake Doyle, and several fights break out with other bar patrons over who loved Jake Doyle more.
--
With acknowledgements/apologies to SNL
On Good Friday, in the year 2545, three drunk, middle-aged businessmen stumble into The Duke from Jake Doyle's traditional Irish wake, and order tall glasses of Irish Whiskey. They can be heard to say:
Drunk #1: Jake Doyle was the best damn PI in the office! Did you know Doyle was 11 feet tall, and was as hairy as a gorilla!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #2: One time Doyle went back in time to stop the Great Fire of 1892, but let the fire happen anyway, because he liked to roast marshmallows!
Drunk #3: Jake Doyle lived for over 500 years, and he was canonized by the Pope when he was 30!
Drunk #2: Best damn PI in the office!
Drunk #1: One time Jake went to medical school to save his friends from a terrible virus. He graduated med school in 15 minutes!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
Drunk #3: Doyle sired 10000 children, and didn't pay child support for any of em'!
Drunk #2: Did you guys know Doyle was premier of Newfoundland from 2011 to 2075...It's true- he revived Joey Smallwood's rubber boot factory, and won the Noble Peace Prize for...somethin'!
Drunk #1: Jake Doyle won the Mr. Universe award 50 years straight after life was found on other planets!
All together: to Jake Doyle!
They carry on this way for the entire episode, interrupted several times by others who knew Jake Doyle, and several fights break out with other bar patrons over who loved Jake Doyle more.
--
With acknowledgements/apologies to SNL
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Doyle
Jake and Mal are hired by the local botanical gardens to figure out who was behind a rash of rare plant thefts. Plenty of good puns are made at Rose's expense.
Meanwhile, as ridiculous as it sounds, Tinny gets back into the illicit plant business to fund her trip London.
Meanwhile, as ridiculous as it sounds, Tinny gets back into the illicit plant business to fund her trip London.
Doyle of 60
In an alternate, though eerily similar, universe Jake continues to engage in detecting, though now as an RCMP officer stationed in Canada's north. Jake's best friend looks exactly the same as his best friend Walter but is now named Wallace. Much frostbite ensues as Jake continues to bare his rock-hard abs during the course of investigations.
Doyle Hospital
During a slump in the economy the Doyles realize that the private detecting game just isn't cutting it anymore, they really need to earn more money. Everyone decides that it would be best if they all got jobs at the same hospital so that they can have interconnected social and work lives, scout potential insurance fraud cases, and meet secret romantic partners.
As the Doyle Turns
In this excruciatingly slow and implausible 10 000-part episode Tinny gets hit by a car and ends up in the ICU, Des embezzles $50 000 to send Tinny to London, Rose has an affair with Walter, Walter falls in love with Leslie, Leslie falls in love with her partner, her partner realizes he's gay, the hot crown prosecutor finds out that she is Tinny's mother, Mal has a heart attack and then finds god, Christian goes on and off the smack a dozen times, and Jake falls in love with an unending string of women.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Doyle: Random Island
Russell Hantz hires Doyles to protect him from irate Survivor producers.
Submitted through Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Submitted through Twitter by KKellyNFHerald.
Jake of All Trades
Jake, our loveable five tool detective, finds himself in a bit of a pickle and is forced to bring out all five of key skills: lover, crime fighter, ATV driver, beer drinker, sun glasses taker-offer, shirt removerer, hood of car slider-overer, ballroom dancer, time-traveller, master debater, dictionary pronunciation key reader, and son.
The Doyle and the Beautiful
Jake takes us on a tour of his beauty regime - it's awe inspiring. It turns out that man-beautiful doesn't just happen - it takes work, and plenty of it.
Figgy Doyle
During a dessert party hosted by Mal and Rose and attended by all of the Doyle regulars (i.e. Walter, Des, Tinny, Christian, Nikki, Nikki's boy toy/lawyer/fiance, Leslie, the hot crown prosecutor, Leslie's partner, and the Mayor) a glass of red wine is spilled on light carpet in one of the bedrooms. Though it obvious that the wine was spilled by one of the attendees no one fesses up. Each of the detectors present takes a stab at solving the case and clearing themselves.
Desultory Results
Des, as is his wont, continues to hassle the Doyles about finally being given his own case. He feels that his claim is particularly meritorious now that he has lodged over a year with the firm and has engaged in a number of undercover excursions. Jake and Mal are somewhat hesitant to oblige their young apprentice because of his buffoonery and general ineptitude.
Fortunately a week of restraint on Rose's part is able to able to convince a newly enervated Malachy that now is the time for Des to get a case of his own. After some discussion, Jake and Mal decide that the case for Des will have to come from their pro bono cold case file, a file that the Doyles keep for slow patches and practice.
Eventually Jake and Mal assign Des the Dana Bradley case. Not surprisingly, Des starts his investigation by heading to a Ron Hynes show to hear The Ghost of Dana Bradley so that he will be up to speed on the details of the case. Afterwards Des tries to track down potential witnesses to interview, he also tries to retrace the young Bradley's steps in the days leading up to her disappearance. Of course, this is all to no avail - the case had gone absolute zero cold years ago.
On the upside, Jake and Mal have proven that Des isn't yet fit for solo work - now they won't have to even entertain such requests for another few years.
Fortunately a week of restraint on Rose's part is able to able to convince a newly enervated Malachy that now is the time for Des to get a case of his own. After some discussion, Jake and Mal decide that the case for Des will have to come from their pro bono cold case file, a file that the Doyles keep for slow patches and practice.
Eventually Jake and Mal assign Des the Dana Bradley case. Not surprisingly, Des starts his investigation by heading to a Ron Hynes show to hear The Ghost of Dana Bradley so that he will be up to speed on the details of the case. Afterwards Des tries to track down potential witnesses to interview, he also tries to retrace the young Bradley's steps in the days leading up to her disappearance. Of course, this is all to no avail - the case had gone absolute zero cold years ago.
On the upside, Jake and Mal have proven that Des isn't yet fit for solo work - now they won't have to even entertain such requests for another few years.
Jake Doyle and the Prisoner of Her Majesty's Penitentiary
An insane convict escapes from the penitentiary and intends to hunt down Jake and kill him. The RNC places around the clock security on the Doyle premises and Jake is informed that he is not to go out at all while his hunter is on the loose. Jake, of course, is not about to miss out on the chance to woo Leslie, who has been spending a ridiculously unbelievable amount of time on surveillance duty for a sergeant. While Leslie is freshening up in the bathroom, the convict sneaks into the Doyle house and confronts Jake. It turns out that it was all a misunderstanding and the convict is actually Jake's godfather, Sirius Black.
The End.
The End.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
You asked for it....Doyle the Barbarian!
Move over, Arnold Schwarzenegger - there's a new barbarian in town and his name is Jake Doyle. Based on the popularity of Doyle the Barbarian in this week's poll, we've come up with a poster for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
In this dangerous line of work, Jake decides to carry protection. Carrying handguns is illegal, so Jake decides to see if he can get away with carrying a sword. In order to avoid trouble with the hot cop, Jake also wears a loin cloth and speaks in broken english. No case presents itself, but Jake is voted in as Governor of California.
In this dangerous line of work, Jake decides to carry protection. Carrying handguns is illegal, so Jake decides to see if he can get away with carrying a sword. In order to avoid trouble with the hot cop, Jake also wears a loin cloth and speaks in broken english. No case presents itself, but Jake is voted in as Governor of California.
The Newfoundland Cultural Secret Service
The Newfoundland Cultural Secret Service (NCSS) (See: One Doyle in the Life of Ivan Denisovich) is a secret branch of the Newfoundland Government responsible for protecting the province from threats to Newfoundland traditional and pop culture (They don't care about Labrador though).
The NCSS was founded by Pamela Morgan and Andy Jones, though the date is unknown. The NCSS gained official status when the cod moratorium began, and the province developed the tourism industry.
Currently, their duties include protecting Canadian idol participants of Newfoundland origin from stalkers and derision; investigating and interrogating those suspected of anti-Newfoundland Culture (NC) sentiments; holding dangerous anti-NC extremists in a secret network of prison camps across the island (who are forced into slave labour canning "iceberg water"); and engaging in espionage against anything the EU does on principle, but especially the anti-sealing propaganda.
Their most visible role involves protecting the Doyles from being crushed by the rush of ladies that attempt to chase Jake down a few times a day. This has forced the NCSS to be a part of a few episodes, much to their chagrin, as they prefer to remain an invisible but powerful force in Newfoundland Society.
Not the most athletic bunch, NCSS members resent Jake's hotness, and how much running he forces them to do when the ladies get into a frenzy. They can often by found at Tim Horton's talking about CSI... that is in a fishing room talking about "The Adventures of Faustus Bidgood." Whew, close one.
The NCSS was founded by Pamela Morgan and Andy Jones, though the date is unknown. The NCSS gained official status when the cod moratorium began, and the province developed the tourism industry.
Currently, their duties include protecting Canadian idol participants of Newfoundland origin from stalkers and derision; investigating and interrogating those suspected of anti-Newfoundland Culture (NC) sentiments; holding dangerous anti-NC extremists in a secret network of prison camps across the island (who are forced into slave labour canning "iceberg water"); and engaging in espionage against anything the EU does on principle, but especially the anti-sealing propaganda.
Their most visible role involves protecting the Doyles from being crushed by the rush of ladies that attempt to chase Jake down a few times a day. This has forced the NCSS to be a part of a few episodes, much to their chagrin, as they prefer to remain an invisible but powerful force in Newfoundland Society.
Not the most athletic bunch, NCSS members resent Jake's hotness, and how much running he forces them to do when the ladies get into a frenzy. They can often by found at Tim Horton's talking about CSI... that is in a fishing room talking about "The Adventures of Faustus Bidgood." Whew, close one.
In the Name of the Doyle
An old collar of Mal's gets out of jail and decides to exact revenge the only way he can afford - with a brutal fist-based beating. While Mal is in the hospital Jake and Christian promise to find the culprit and exact revenge.
In something of a role reversal, Des and Tinny have to try to talk Jake and Christian out of making such a horrible life choice. As Des and Tinny are fairly unpersuasive they decide that the only thing that will work is if they solve the case and then destroy all of the clues that will lead to the real culprit.
After running up against dead end after dead end Jake and Christian realize that they are unlikely to find the assailant. Furthermore, Mal seems to be getting better, actually his new hip may mean that he is more indestructible than before.
Only when Des and Tinny are convinced that Jake and Christian have gotten the blood lust out of their system do they provide Leslie with the evidence needed to arrest the culprit. Jake is pretty pissed, but he also realizes that the young'uns did him something of a favour. How would he romance the ladies from inside HMP?
In something of a role reversal, Des and Tinny have to try to talk Jake and Christian out of making such a horrible life choice. As Des and Tinny are fairly unpersuasive they decide that the only thing that will work is if they solve the case and then destroy all of the clues that will lead to the real culprit.
After running up against dead end after dead end Jake and Christian realize that they are unlikely to find the assailant. Furthermore, Mal seems to be getting better, actually his new hip may mean that he is more indestructible than before.
Only when Des and Tinny are convinced that Jake and Christian have gotten the blood lust out of their system do they provide Leslie with the evidence needed to arrest the culprit. Jake is pretty pissed, but he also realizes that the young'uns did him something of a favour. How would he romance the ladies from inside HMP?
The Doyle in Black
A mysterious man in black starts appearing in places at the same time as members of the Doyle family. Of course, whenever this mysterious man in black is approached he manages to disappear and evade capture. Nonetheless, the man in black tends not to leave without at least leaving some sort of clue to his true identity.
Aside from a few dalliances with attractive members of the opposite sex, Jake is glued to this case from day one. He really wants to know who it is that appears to be following them.
Eventually Rose is able intuit the location of the man in black. The Doyles then all head down to the rooming house while Mal heads in to confront the gentleman in black.
After a few minutes of anxious waiting Mal walks out of the house with his arm around the shoulder of the man in black. As Mal later explains, apparently this guy is his illegitimate half-brother from an affair Mal's father had. It is also explained that the man in black was only following the Doyles around to try to think of a way to introduce himself to his long-lost family, he didn't realize that he was also freaking them out with his actions.
Des is particularly pleased to learn that Tinny has a half-cousin who isn't nearly as prudish as Tinny. Will this be the end of Des's infatuation with Tinny?
Aside from a few dalliances with attractive members of the opposite sex, Jake is glued to this case from day one. He really wants to know who it is that appears to be following them.
Eventually Rose is able intuit the location of the man in black. The Doyles then all head down to the rooming house while Mal heads in to confront the gentleman in black.
After a few minutes of anxious waiting Mal walks out of the house with his arm around the shoulder of the man in black. As Mal later explains, apparently this guy is his illegitimate half-brother from an affair Mal's father had. It is also explained that the man in black was only following the Doyles around to try to think of a way to introduce himself to his long-lost family, he didn't realize that he was also freaking them out with his actions.
Des is particularly pleased to learn that Tinny has a half-cousin who isn't nearly as prudish as Tinny. Will this be the end of Des's infatuation with Tinny?
The Scarlet Doyle
A mutant strain of scarlet fever breaks out in St. John's and Jake has no choice but to rely on his intensive medical training to find a cure. This particular strain is highly contagious and leads to loss of libido in women. Jake manages to track down the source of the strain to a shipment of endangered Sumatran rhinoceros that had been smuggled into St. John's harbour from Borneo.
Unfortunately, Jake is unable to figure out a cure and decides that he can't live in a city where women are not dying for a piece of his hot bod. Jake packs up his bags and moves to Botwood.
Unfortunately, Jake is unable to figure out a cure and decides that he can't live in a city where women are not dying for a piece of his hot bod. Jake packs up his bags and moves to Botwood.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
You don't know Jake!
Eager for a ratings boost after being brought back for a third season, Jake coins a catch-phrase..."you don't know Jake!", which he says whenever anyone... says anything. He irritates the rest of the characters until they lock him out on the roof of Cabot Tower, and refuse to let him in until he gives up his beloved phrase.
Jake eventually relents and is let back down, but starts saying the less original, but more popular, "that's what she said." Jake doesn't understand the meaning of this one, and says it whenever anyone... says anything. Tired of getting confused looks, Jake settles on, "oh yeah!" which everyone loves, and he can say it whenever anyone says anything. The show gets a ratings boost, and Jake gets more ladies each episode, for which he has only one thing to say...
--
Case for the episode? uh... the Hell's Angels and... hotels...
Acknowledgement: with thanks to the CBC web ad campaign.
Jake eventually relents and is let back down, but starts saying the less original, but more popular, "that's what she said." Jake doesn't understand the meaning of this one, and says it whenever anyone... says anything. Tired of getting confused looks, Jake settles on, "oh yeah!" which everyone loves, and he can say it whenever anyone says anything. The show gets a ratings boost, and Jake gets more ladies each episode, for which he has only one thing to say...
--
Case for the episode? uh... the Hell's Angels and... hotels...
Acknowledgement: with thanks to the CBC web ad campaign.
Doyle's Fancy
Shortly after joining a traditional Newfoundland music group, Doyle's Fancy, Jake decides to adopt the music friendly Erin's Pub as his new hangout (it also doesn't hurt their case that they also have above-urinal head rests). While getting to know his new bar crowd Jake also meets a new set of low-lifes, in particular a group of shifty pharmacists who appear to be at the heard of an Oxy ring that is supplying police officers with hush money.
Jake realizes that even though this situation can't be allowed to continue the local police will be of no help.
Jake, with the help of the rest of the Doyles and Des, sets about gathering evidence on the Oxy ring. As they dig deeper they learn that this is becoming a bigger case and that it may even bring down a provincial cabinet minister or two.
Once they finally have all of the necessary evidence they call in Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor to present them with the details of the case. Leslie then races around town and singlehandedly arrests the culprits and commences the process of bringing the perpetrators to justice.
As planned, Leslie is very pleased with Jake for helping her crack such a large case. Consequently, the sexual tension between them reaches a new level of awkward.
Jake realizes that even though this situation can't be allowed to continue the local police will be of no help.
Jake, with the help of the rest of the Doyles and Des, sets about gathering evidence on the Oxy ring. As they dig deeper they learn that this is becoming a bigger case and that it may even bring down a provincial cabinet minister or two.
Once they finally have all of the necessary evidence they call in Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor to present them with the details of the case. Leslie then races around town and singlehandedly arrests the culprits and commences the process of bringing the perpetrators to justice.
As planned, Leslie is very pleased with Jake for helping her crack such a large case. Consequently, the sexual tension between them reaches a new level of awkward.
Jake Two-Two and the Hooded Fang
In a fit of sibling related rage Jake runs away from home. For the first few hours everyone just assumes that Jake went to the Duke to console himself in an unending parade of pints. It is only when they don't find a hung-over and slightly fetid Jake on the living room couch the next morning that they realize something is amiss.
While on the run Jake meets up with some mysterious figures and ends up joining them on a trip to Bell Island. Only once Jake has entered their underground lair (the old iron ore mine shafts) does he realize that he may have fallen in with some bad people, particularly the hoodie wearing Fang (the self-appointed leader of the group).
Though Jake still can't stand his siblings (both of whom are now living with Mal and Rose) he decides that their annoying traits are better than being caught up with a band of petty criminals who live in abandoned mine shafts on an island with bad ferry service. Of course, Fang et al aren't keen on having Jake leave now that he knows all of their secrets and the location of their secret hideout.
Jake, as you might expect, manages to escape from Fang and his gang by using his street fighting skills and booby trap setting expertise, and at one point he even resorts to blinding them with the beauty of his rock-hard abs.
When Jake finally makes it back home he gives Leslie a call and tells her about the squatters on Bell Island. After a quick SWAT operation Fang and his team are rounded up and sent to HMP (along with many of Jake's other antagonists).
While on the run Jake meets up with some mysterious figures and ends up joining them on a trip to Bell Island. Only once Jake has entered their underground lair (the old iron ore mine shafts) does he realize that he may have fallen in with some bad people, particularly the hoodie wearing Fang (the self-appointed leader of the group).
Though Jake still can't stand his siblings (both of whom are now living with Mal and Rose) he decides that their annoying traits are better than being caught up with a band of petty criminals who live in abandoned mine shafts on an island with bad ferry service. Of course, Fang et al aren't keen on having Jake leave now that he knows all of their secrets and the location of their secret hideout.
Jake, as you might expect, manages to escape from Fang and his gang by using his street fighting skills and booby trap setting expertise, and at one point he even resorts to blinding them with the beauty of his rock-hard abs.
When Jake finally makes it back home he gives Leslie a call and tells her about the squatters on Bell Island. After a quick SWAT operation Fang and his team are rounded up and sent to HMP (along with many of Jake's other antagonists).
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hey Doyle!
Jake, as a tambourinist, joins an 8 piece alt-rock band to kill the time between cases (and chicks dig guys in bands). This new sideline puts Jake in touch with a number of the bartenders and club owners in the St. John's area.
Almost immediately Jake starts to get the sense that something is amiss. With a little help from Des and Tinny acting as undercover operatives, Jake uncovers a cartel among the bartenders intended to drive up drink prices in the St. John's area.
Fortunately, Leslie has experience with forensic audits and corporate crime so she is able to swoop in on Jake's cue and take the big-wig bartenders down.
Almost immediately Jake starts to get the sense that something is amiss. With a little help from Des and Tinny acting as undercover operatives, Jake uncovers a cartel among the bartenders intended to drive up drink prices in the St. John's area.
Fortunately, Leslie has experience with forensic audits and corporate crime so she is able to swoop in on Jake's cue and take the big-wig bartenders down.
Victoria's Doyle
Jake decides that the best way to attract women would be for him to become a lingerie designer. Amazingly, Jake actually convinces Leslie and the hot crown prosector to act as his models.
Mal hires himself to investigate this abomination.
Mal hires himself to investigate this abomination.
Doyle and Punishment
Leslie informs Jake that he will be harshly reprimanded for interfering in a high-profile police investigation. Never one to take Leslie's position as Sergeant seriously, Jake assumes that Leslie is trying to engage him in some hot role-play. Jake breaks into Leslie's house and handcuffs himself, naked, to her bed. Unfortunately, this action lands Jake in prison where he spends the next 6 months playing the role of "Nancy" to an inmate named "White Power Bill".
The Lure of the Labrador Doyle
Jimmy Doyle, Mal's brother and a long-time resident of Labrador's south coast, insists that Rose and Tinny finally be brought up to meet him. Given Jimmy's tendency to over-drink Jake decides that he should tag along to keep an eye on things. Des decides to go because he won't have anything to do if he left in St. John's without the Doyles.
Of course, as soon as they they arrive Tinny gets up to her usual saucy hijinks and refuses to participate in any of the planned activities. The upside is that while everyone is away for the day Tinny gets to walk around downtown Forteau. Not surprisingly, Tinny notices a strange boat with some bulky boxes.
When the rest of the Doyle clan returns from a day of adventures Tinny fills everyone in on what she saw. They all decide that Jimmy's plans need to be put on hold and that the suspicious boat needs to be investigated. (Of course, we can't forget that Jimmy is a Doyle and therefore naturally endowed with private detecting skills.)
When the Doyles finally have enough evidence they call in Leslie to make a drug bust.
Surprise, surprise, the shipment was just the annual coastal boat delivering the town's supplies. Leslie is not impressed. As soon as Jimmy sobers up he realizes that by not recognizing the boat he has tarnished the Doyle name. Will Leslie ever be able to trust the Doyles again? With the RNC still have any resources after their failed large-scale helicopter and boat based bust in Labrador?
Of course, as soon as they they arrive Tinny gets up to her usual saucy hijinks and refuses to participate in any of the planned activities. The upside is that while everyone is away for the day Tinny gets to walk around downtown Forteau. Not surprisingly, Tinny notices a strange boat with some bulky boxes.
When the rest of the Doyle clan returns from a day of adventures Tinny fills everyone in on what she saw. They all decide that Jimmy's plans need to be put on hold and that the suspicious boat needs to be investigated. (Of course, we can't forget that Jimmy is a Doyle and therefore naturally endowed with private detecting skills.)
When the Doyles finally have enough evidence they call in Leslie to make a drug bust.
Surprise, surprise, the shipment was just the annual coastal boat delivering the town's supplies. Leslie is not impressed. As soon as Jimmy sobers up he realizes that by not recognizing the boat he has tarnished the Doyle name. Will Leslie ever be able to trust the Doyles again? With the RNC still have any resources after their failed large-scale helicopter and boat based bust in Labrador?
The Last King of Doyle
Jake travels to West Africa to put his medical degree to use, and volunteers for Doctors Without Borders, because he's that kind of guy. He returns to Newfoundland to discover that the province has lost Labrador to Quebec and seceded. Newfoundland is now an independent country, the Democratic People's Republic of Newfoundland. Jake meets the Dear Leader and Man of a Thousand Songs, Ron Hynes, and becomes his personal doctor and PI. Hynes' leadership is inspirational, but Newfoundland falls on hard times and hits bankruptcy...again.
The international courts decide to divide Newfoundland into territories based on geology: the eastern half is governed by a group of West African countries, and the western half is governed by the League of United States' Appalachian States. These new influences and the rush of immigrants from both parts of the world divides West and East Newfoundland further, until civil war breaks out.
Jake ends the war, reunites the country, helps deliver a baby in a taxi, and beds more than the usual number of ladies.
After Doyle crowns himself King of Newfoundland, there is still enough time left in the episode for Newfoundland to invade Russia.
The international courts decide to divide Newfoundland into territories based on geology: the eastern half is governed by a group of West African countries, and the western half is governed by the League of United States' Appalachian States. These new influences and the rush of immigrants from both parts of the world divides West and East Newfoundland further, until civil war breaks out.
Jake ends the war, reunites the country, helps deliver a baby in a taxi, and beds more than the usual number of ladies.
After Doyle crowns himself King of Newfoundland, there is still enough time left in the episode for Newfoundland to invade Russia.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)