Monday, April 25, 2011
Jesus H. Doyle
Jake awakes in a drunken stupor on a Sunday after a vicious Friday night trip to George Street. With only his cell phone logs and credit card receipts to aide him, Jake has to retrace his steps to find out whether or not he met any attractive women on his journey towards inebriation.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Word usage a few months in
In case you were wondering what the top hundred words we used in our pitches are, here is a graphic that puts this information in a visualized form.
If you add the data a slightly different way, and include the titles of the pitches, you get the following output.
The second image seems a little bit more accurate.
If you add the data a slightly different way, and include the titles of the pitches, you get the following output.
The second image seems a little bit more accurate.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Canadian Extreme Doyle Party
In light of the recently called election and as an hommage to the late, great Sailor White Jake decides to start the Canadian Extreme Doyle party and to hold a Doyle-off to decide the party's candidate for the party.
Not surprisingly, Jake is the first Doyle to agree to participate in the Doyle-off. Sadly, no additional Doyle's come forward to participate in the Doyle-off. Eventually Jake is able to convince Walter that he is an 'honourary Doyle' and that he too is eligible participate in the Doyle-off.
As Walter was only ever a half-hearted participant he manages to put in a relatively mediocre performance and lose the nomination battle/Doyle-off to Jake.
Not surprisingly, Jake is the first Doyle to agree to participate in the Doyle-off. Sadly, no additional Doyle's come forward to participate in the Doyle-off. Eventually Jake is able to convince Walter that he is an 'honourary Doyle' and that he too is eligible participate in the Doyle-off.
As Walter was only ever a half-hearted participant he manages to put in a relatively mediocre performance and lose the nomination battle/Doyle-off to Jake.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Employment Doyle
Jake and Mal just really want a job, any job, so that they won't need to get everyone to go on the pogey until things pick up. Will their efforts be successful? Will a crime spree hit St. John's before they before file for government assistance? Will Jake be as attractive to the ladies if he doesn't have a way of earning money?
Book Doyle
After a number of dealings with the mayor's office and various components of the justice system Jake decides that it is probably about time that he heads to the library to really figure out how a number of these things work. And, as luck would have it, Jake happens into Cecil Noseworthy as he enters the library.
With Cecil's help Jake is able to learn all kinds of things about the way that government works in Newfoundland. For instance, it seems, much to Jake's surprise, that the Mayor isn't actually in charge of the RNC and doesn't have the ability to single-handedly appoint law enforcement task forces. Even more surprising to Jake is the fact that provincial court judges aren't actually appointed to head secret inquiries into allegations of corruption at City Hall.
On his way out of the library Jake spots a poster outlining some hacking basics. It doesn't take long for Jake to realize that what Rose has been claiming as hacking skills aren't really hacking skills at all - they are just psychic powers of intuition that help further a case. Jake starts to wonder why Rose has been hiding this ability all along.
No crimes, but plenty of mysteries, are solved in this episode.
With Cecil's help Jake is able to learn all kinds of things about the way that government works in Newfoundland. For instance, it seems, much to Jake's surprise, that the Mayor isn't actually in charge of the RNC and doesn't have the ability to single-handedly appoint law enforcement task forces. Even more surprising to Jake is the fact that provincial court judges aren't actually appointed to head secret inquiries into allegations of corruption at City Hall.
On his way out of the library Jake spots a poster outlining some hacking basics. It doesn't take long for Jake to realize that what Rose has been claiming as hacking skills aren't really hacking skills at all - they are just psychic powers of intuition that help further a case. Jake starts to wonder why Rose has been hiding this ability all along.
No crimes, but plenty of mysteries, are solved in this episode.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Casino Doyle
Jake and Mal hired by the ALC to investigate rumours of an underground casino. The only problem is that Jake and Mal can't figure out which underground casino they are to investigate as there are several in the downtown area. In the end Jake loses his fees by betting on black at the roulette table and is too ashamed to report back to the ALC with his findings.
Prince Edward Doyle
After becoming dissatisfied with the limited crime rate and third rate criminals in St. John's Jake and Mal decide to move their operation to the only more low-key provincial capital in the country: Charlottetown.
Not surprisingly, much of the episode is spent following Jake around as he tries to "drum up business." As expected, Jake spends most of his time talking to young women and trying to get their phone numbers.
After several weeks of waiting a client finally comes to the Doyles with a case. Someone, the client alleges, is using unlicensed versions of the Anne of Green Gables image. The client hopes that the Doyles will be able to obtain proof that the unlicensed suspect is in fact trading on the island's most famous fictional resident's image.
Sickened with the prospect of a career in policing the Anne of Green Gables image the Doyles decide to head back to St. John's, even if the low crime rate means that they will be on EI for the better part of the year.
Not surprisingly, much of the episode is spent following Jake around as he tries to "drum up business." As expected, Jake spends most of his time talking to young women and trying to get their phone numbers.
After several weeks of waiting a client finally comes to the Doyles with a case. Someone, the client alleges, is using unlicensed versions of the Anne of Green Gables image. The client hopes that the Doyles will be able to obtain proof that the unlicensed suspect is in fact trading on the island's most famous fictional resident's image.
Sickened with the prospect of a career in policing the Anne of Green Gables image the Doyles decide to head back to St. John's, even if the low crime rate means that they will be on EI for the better part of the year.
Double, Double Doyle and Trouble
Halloween episode - Jake investigates a local witches' coven, suspected of murdering tv evangelist.
Contributed via Twitter by RalfieO
Contributed via Twitter by RalfieO
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Doyle Dozen
Malacky is wrongfully convicted of sellin' oxys and goes to the pen for a 2 year stretch. Jake, unable to see his father mistreated, enlists Rose, Des, Tinny, Walter, and Leslie and their clones to break into her majesty's pen, bust Malacky out, and hide him on Ramea until things blow over.
On the night of the escape attempt, they sneak into the cemetery next to the pen, and partially bury themselves. As the sky lightens, they all climb out of the ground, and Jake's dirty and seemingly dead dozen do a zombie march towards the gate. The terrified guards make a run for the lake, leaving the satisfied group to play a prank on the prisoners before releasing Malacky from his cell.
In order to drum up some business for the coming year, Jake also lets out 15% of the prison population, as long as they promise to go back to a life of crime. Jake admits that this move is a pretty "dirty" trick, and they all laugh heartily.
The next morning, the group discovers that Mal really does sell oxys, and Leslie has been fired from her position as a hot cop for her part in the caper. Jake observes that they didn't make a "clean" getaway after all, drawing fewer laughs, except from the clones, who are really sort of brain dead.
On the night of the escape attempt, they sneak into the cemetery next to the pen, and partially bury themselves. As the sky lightens, they all climb out of the ground, and Jake's dirty and seemingly dead dozen do a zombie march towards the gate. The terrified guards make a run for the lake, leaving the satisfied group to play a prank on the prisoners before releasing Malacky from his cell.
In order to drum up some business for the coming year, Jake also lets out 15% of the prison population, as long as they promise to go back to a life of crime. Jake admits that this move is a pretty "dirty" trick, and they all laugh heartily.
The next morning, the group discovers that Mal really does sell oxys, and Leslie has been fired from her position as a hot cop for her part in the caper. Jake observes that they didn't make a "clean" getaway after all, drawing fewer laughs, except from the clones, who are really sort of brain dead.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Cirque Doyle Soleil
Jake takes up juggling as a hobby to hone his skills juggling all his ladies, hot dates, and one night stands. Jake's idiot savant like talent for juggling soon finds him juggling lit fireworks, plates of fish and chips, and Tinny's pot plants.
Ironically, Jake's love life suffers, as his obsession with juggling intensifies. Seeking to work the ladies back into his life, Jake tries to juggle a semi-hot teacher, a hot dental hygienist, and a librarian-hot librarian, but the stunt ends only in a separated lady shoulder and a few broken lady fingers.
Despite being unable to juggle actual ladies, Jake decides to start his own circus:
"The Greatest Doyle on Earth!"
Jake's first show involves a daring tightrope walk across the narrows of St. John's harbour while juggling scratch tickets. Will Jake make it to the other side? Will he ever go back to being a PI? How long will Rose put up with being the bearded lady before smacking the face off Jake?
The show really produces more questions than answers...
Ironically, Jake's love life suffers, as his obsession with juggling intensifies. Seeking to work the ladies back into his life, Jake tries to juggle a semi-hot teacher, a hot dental hygienist, and a librarian-hot librarian, but the stunt ends only in a separated lady shoulder and a few broken lady fingers.
Despite being unable to juggle actual ladies, Jake decides to start his own circus:
Jake's first show involves a daring tightrope walk across the narrows of St. John's harbour while juggling scratch tickets. Will Jake make it to the other side? Will he ever go back to being a PI? How long will Rose put up with being the bearded lady before smacking the face off Jake?
The show really produces more questions than answers...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Doyle it to the Ground
Jake goes to a Conference in Montreal for "crime fighters." Jake becomes embarrassed when mainlanders make fun of his accent, and spends the rest of the episode speaking in a newscaster's dialect. Executives of the new "Fox news North" overhear Jake's perfect english, and hire him to be their lead anchor.
Jake's first broadcast starts out smoothly, but as he realizes that the news is all made up, he gets nervous and the Newfoundland accent starts coming out. As Jake uses more Newfoundland English, the Fox people get very upset, and Bill O'Reilly interrupts the broadcast to tear into Jake, who head butts O'Reilly and takes off.
The regular Fox News in the States begins reporting that the US invasion of Newfoundland is imminent, and Paul McCartney is interviewed to show the world the inhumanity of Newfoundlanders.
Jake heads back home hoping his new media connections will get him a date with Lynn Burry.
Meanwhile, polls show that while nobody knows what Newfoundland did to who, or where it is, it should be attacked immediately. American military forces begin to embark on "Operation Doyle it to the Ground." Will America attack Newfoundland? Will Jake go down hot newscaster road? Will the O'Reilly/Doyle video go viral?
Watch next week, and maybe we'll get back to it (we also have an episode where Tinny throws up on Des, so we might go with that instead).
Jake's first broadcast starts out smoothly, but as he realizes that the news is all made up, he gets nervous and the Newfoundland accent starts coming out. As Jake uses more Newfoundland English, the Fox people get very upset, and Bill O'Reilly interrupts the broadcast to tear into Jake, who head butts O'Reilly and takes off.
The regular Fox News in the States begins reporting that the US invasion of Newfoundland is imminent, and Paul McCartney is interviewed to show the world the inhumanity of Newfoundlanders.
Jake heads back home hoping his new media connections will get him a date with Lynn Burry.
Meanwhile, polls show that while nobody knows what Newfoundland did to who, or where it is, it should be attacked immediately. American military forces begin to embark on "Operation Doyle it to the Ground." Will America attack Newfoundland? Will Jake go down hot newscaster road? Will the O'Reilly/Doyle video go viral?
Watch next week, and maybe we'll get back to it (we also have an episode where Tinny throws up on Des, so we might go with that instead).
Doyle M for Murder (II)
Jake goes undercover to investigate a murder at a local call centre.
Submitted via Twitter by @RalfieO
Submitted via Twitter by @RalfieO
Doyle on the Ice, Part II: Epic Doyle Time
Jake escapes the terrifying seal skinning machine by simply getting off the conveyor belt, and showing some ID to the plant manager to prove he isn't a seal.
Everybody is happy to have Jake back, except for Des who was enjoying a moment in the spotlight. Everybody wants Jake to solve the case, but after his ordeal, Jake is starved and half-frozen.
Jake purchases a mancho to warm up, makes and eats an entire turkey dinner, drinks a 26er of rum, and goes to sleep for 5 weeks.
In Jake's absence, Des solves the case of the activists, meets Margo Huntington-Smith, and goes down hot activist road. Tinny spies on the affair, and feels a tinge of something, and realizes it must be indigestion from the turkey. Will Tinny realize her feelings for Des? Will Jake ever wake up?
Everybody is happy to have Jake back, except for Des who was enjoying a moment in the spotlight. Everybody wants Jake to solve the case, but after his ordeal, Jake is starved and half-frozen.
Jake purchases a mancho to warm up, makes and eats an entire turkey dinner, drinks a 26er of rum, and goes to sleep for 5 weeks.
In Jake's absence, Des solves the case of the activists, meets Margo Huntington-Smith, and goes down hot activist road. Tinny spies on the affair, and feels a tinge of something, and realizes it must be indigestion from the turkey. Will Tinny realize her feelings for Des? Will Jake ever wake up?
Doyle on the Ice, Part 1
The Doyles investigate cases of harassment by activists during the annual seal hunt. Jake goes out on the ice to track down the activists, but the weather shifts, and Jake becomes stranded on an ice pan.
With few rations and little winter clothing, Jake wonders how he will meet any ladies on an ice pan. He chats up a few seals, but is generally rebuffed. Finally Jake's pan crosses paths with a pan holding another lost soul, sexy activist Margo Huntington-Smith, who sweet talks jake before knocking him out and stealing his leather jacket. Jake wakes up not remembering much, and wondering if he "scored."
Jake, realizing he is in real trouble, kills a large seal, and climbs inside the carcass to keep warm, where he falls asleep. When Jake wakes up, he is on a conveyor belt moving towards the terrifying seal skinning machine.
Is this the end of Doyle the PI and the start of Doyle the old lady's seal coat?
With few rations and little winter clothing, Jake wonders how he will meet any ladies on an ice pan. He chats up a few seals, but is generally rebuffed. Finally Jake's pan crosses paths with a pan holding another lost soul, sexy activist Margo Huntington-Smith, who sweet talks jake before knocking him out and stealing his leather jacket. Jake wakes up not remembering much, and wondering if he "scored."
Jake, realizing he is in real trouble, kills a large seal, and climbs inside the carcass to keep warm, where he falls asleep. When Jake wakes up, he is on a conveyor belt moving towards the terrifying seal skinning machine.
Is this the end of Doyle the PI and the start of Doyle the old lady's seal coat?
That's so Doyle
Des comes to the conclusion his work life needs to be a little more catch phrase based. To remedy this problem decides to create a catch phrase, "That's so Doyle," that he can say whenever anything amazing happens at work. Unfortunately, Des's use of this phrase, and the consequent chastising that comes from Jake, creates a slow-down of work in the office. The slow-down is so bad that the Doyles decide to forgo a case for a week and just work on getting Des to stop saying "That's so Doyle" every few minutes.
Their week of work is met with mixed results. Des no longer says "That's so Doyle," but he has started loudly proclaiming "Doyles to the rescue!" immediately after the Doyles accept new cases.
Their week of work is met with mixed results. Des no longer says "That's so Doyle," but he has started loudly proclaiming "Doyles to the rescue!" immediately after the Doyles accept new cases.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Doyle Hortons
After years of disappointing and mediocre coffee, Jake searches St. John's high and low for a good cup of coffee. Even after bringing in Mal, Rose, and Des to help Jake's search remains unsuccessful.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Shipping Doyles
Jake realizes that given his strong investigative skills he could probably make a pretty good reporter. Of course, because Jake has no real reporting experience he is forced to start his new career at a small paper around the bay (which turns out to be Mal's hometown). While getting acquainted with the locals Jake encounters quite a number of strange characters, including an old woman who turns out to be Jake's heretofore unknown aunt. Jake also meets a hot young mother who seems to have a thing for him.
After a few months of general reporting/detecting Jake decides that things are just a little too weird for him around the bay (and that he isn't making enough money) and that he should probably just head home and put this debacle behind him, even it means forgetting about his mysterious aunt and the hot young mother. Leslie, the hot crown prosecutor, and particularly Mal are all glad to see Jake return to St. John's.
After a few months of general reporting/detecting Jake decides that things are just a little too weird for him around the bay (and that he isn't making enough money) and that he should probably just head home and put this debacle behind him, even it means forgetting about his mysterious aunt and the hot young mother. Leslie, the hot crown prosecutor, and particularly Mal are all glad to see Jake return to St. John's.
Slaughterhouse Doyle
When the private investigating business starts to dry up in St. John's, Jake decides that it's time for him to lock down some financial security. He starts wooing some of the richest single women in the city before settling down on the wealthy heiress to the Purity empire. Unfortunately she's got the body of Kathy Bates and a face like Gary Busey. Jake manages to get away with infidelity by claiming he has cases to solve while he sneaks off for a drive down Hot Cop Road. Other nights, he lies in bed and thinks about the time he fought Nazis in Dresden.
So it goes.
So it goes.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Doyle, Texas Ranger
Due to Chuck Norris's untimely reaching of the mandatory retirement age, the Texas Rangers have decided to hold international auditions to replace their prized (crime) fighting machine. Upon hearing the news Jake decides that a trip to Texas is in order (getting the job would mean a better job and a better network).
Almost as soon as Jake gets to the audition he realizes that many of the Texas Ranger wannabes are serious guys with serious fighting skills. Fortunately, Jake's snappy one-liners are of unexpected value because the Texas Ranger higher ups (i.e. producers) have decided to take things in a slightly wittier, less fighty/kicky, direction.
After the completion of the auditions and the announcement that Jake is be the new Texas Ranger Norris walked away from the set and could be heard muttering "Chuck Norris invented Jake Doyle and his father Malachy." Norris followed this up with the slightly more melancholic "Chuck Norris invented drinking to help old guys forget how old and useless they really are."
Almost as soon as Jake gets to the audition he realizes that many of the Texas Ranger wannabes are serious guys with serious fighting skills. Fortunately, Jake's snappy one-liners are of unexpected value because the Texas Ranger higher ups (i.e. producers) have decided to take things in a slightly wittier, less fighty/kicky, direction.
After the completion of the auditions and the announcement that Jake is be the new Texas Ranger Norris walked away from the set and could be heard muttering "Chuck Norris invented Jake Doyle and his father Malachy." Norris followed this up with the slightly more melancholic "Chuck Norris invented drinking to help old guys forget how old and useless they really are."
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Doyle to the wire
The Backstreet Doyles pitch was victorious in our most recent poll. The other four pitches seemed to have pretty even support.
As with past polls winners, Backstreet Doyles has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
As with past polls winners, Backstreet Doyles has received a little special treatment on the visual front. Enjoy.
The Adventures of Doyle, Queen of the Desert
While on a safari Jake has to go undercover as a drag queen to figure out who is sabotaging his tour group's visits to animal habitats by killing all of the animals. In this exciting episode filled with heroism, extra-large bottles of mascara, and knee-high stockings Jake somes to appreciate his Mount Pearl Curl in a way that the style hadn't been appreciated since the days of the Sprung Greenhouse. Oh, and it turns out that Jake develops something of a taste for tiger steaks.
The Handmaid's Doyle
Jake, after a particularly fortuitous night at the Duke, 'befriends' a maid at a fancy hotel. Not long after meeting Jake, Trisha, the maid, knowing his line of business comes to Jake with a set of unproven suspicions about guests from a particular company. Jake and Trisha soon realize that the only way that Jake will really be able to properly investigate the case is to have Jake take a job on the housekeeping crew.
Not surprisingly, the case turns out to be bigger than expected and Trisha turns out to be something other than she appeared to be. When all is said and done the Doyles figure out that the housekeepers were providing prostitution services and being 'managed' by a company that would book rooms throughout the hotel for them to 'use.' The housekeepers, in an attempt to break free of their 'management company,' were trying to get Jake to uncover some of the company's illegal actions and then have them reported to the police so that they would be free to work for themselves. Of course, once Jake realizes that Trisha will never really love him he decides to blow everything wide open, an act that had the side-benefit of further ingratiating himself to both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor.
Not surprisingly, the case turns out to be bigger than expected and Trisha turns out to be something other than she appeared to be. When all is said and done the Doyles figure out that the housekeepers were providing prostitution services and being 'managed' by a company that would book rooms throughout the hotel for them to 'use.' The housekeepers, in an attempt to break free of their 'management company,' were trying to get Jake to uncover some of the company's illegal actions and then have them reported to the police so that they would be free to work for themselves. Of course, once Jake realizes that Trisha will never really love him he decides to blow everything wide open, an act that had the side-benefit of further ingratiating himself to both Leslie and the hot crown prosecutor.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Run on Doyle
Shortly after receiving a tip about the location of reward-bearing suspect Jake and Mal jump into Jake's mint blue GTO and head for Blackhead, the supposed location of the wanted criminal, though before they are able to head out they run into Des and Tinny and encourage them to some background checks on the perp in question, a task assignment that allows them to head out, hopefully uninterrupted, for a few hours while they try to apprehend the wanted to-be convicted felon, though, of course, before they are able to capture the accused law breaker they have to engage in a high-speed car chase through Blackhead and Shea Heights.
IT Doyle
For the first time in years the Doyles have a computer heavy case. At first Mal and Jake are at a loss, they have no idea how to procede. Fortunately Mal remembers Rose suggesting that she knew how to use a computer. After passing everything off to Rose and telling her to "wrap it up by 5:00" the boys head down stairs for a few pints and an early lunch.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Manchurian Doyle
In order to win back Leslie after the evidence room debacle, Jake decides that Leslie is attracted to men with power, and that he should run for mayor of St. John's.
In order to increase his visibility, Jake insists that from now on the media must refer to the cases he works as "Doyle Cases," and any general police work as "Doyleology." Unfortunately, Jake has a string of cases that he can't seem to solve, and since his name is always attached with these failures, his popularity plummets. Since Jake lacks the votes needed, he asks if he can be "minority mayor of St. John's," forcing council to explain that, "we don't really do that..."
Jake realizes that maybe the best public service he can perform is to be there for the ladies... and solve crimes. Working on these strengths, Jake fights his way back into contention. While Leslie seems non-committal, the hot prosecutor likes the idea of Jake being mayor, leading to renewed jealousy between the two. Is Jake about to become mayor, and will he rename all streets "hot cop road" or "hot prosecutor road?"
At the last moment, Jake is disqualified, because he is not originally from St. John's. His name is moved over to the only other ballot he is eligible for, and he becomes mayor of his birthplace, Doyle Island. Upon hearing the news, Jake....
To be continued...
In order to increase his visibility, Jake insists that from now on the media must refer to the cases he works as "Doyle Cases," and any general police work as "Doyleology." Unfortunately, Jake has a string of cases that he can't seem to solve, and since his name is always attached with these failures, his popularity plummets. Since Jake lacks the votes needed, he asks if he can be "minority mayor of St. John's," forcing council to explain that, "we don't really do that..."
Jake realizes that maybe the best public service he can perform is to be there for the ladies... and solve crimes. Working on these strengths, Jake fights his way back into contention. While Leslie seems non-committal, the hot prosecutor likes the idea of Jake being mayor, leading to renewed jealousy between the two. Is Jake about to become mayor, and will he rename all streets "hot cop road" or "hot prosecutor road?"
At the last moment, Jake is disqualified, because he is not originally from St. John's. His name is moved over to the only other ballot he is eligible for, and he becomes mayor of his birthplace, Doyle Island. Upon hearing the news, Jake....
To be continued...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)